(click the image for a larger view, or click here for the original hi-res size)

If seeing the bottom (or should I say lack thereof) of that pit does not strike an uncanny fear into your heart then I don’t know what will. Is this how frightening a black hole is? What even is a black hole? This puts into perspective how scary those probably are.

Watch all of these videos. They get really good towards the bottom. Hint hint. What I mean by hint hint is that is they get funny. You gotta be kidding me that I have to spell things out like that.

Yao Ming

Note the blatant travel right before the shot and the really bad high five at the end. If I was the official I don’t know which one I’d call. Ahhhh… Chinamen.

Kobe Bryant

Look how completely wide open Walton (#4) is after he sets his illegal moving pick. Yet Kobe takes the shot, despite being defended by two people. If he would’ve missed I would’ve been pissed if I was Walton.

Carmelo Anthony

The only guy to smile after he does something amazing. Everyone else gets all serious and angry at their amazing play, but Carmelo must be just having a good old time when he’s out there. Notice how a butt takes up 90% of the picture at the end.

Dwight Howard

See if you can spot the bald Bill Cosby in the stands after the dunk. Also of note: Tayshon Prince is a bitch.

LeBron James

There are no snide remarks I can make here. LeBron James is by far the best player in the NBA right now, and he is probably the funnest person to watch (although my money’s on Brian Scalabrine for a 1-on-1 matchup against any player). Fine – you want a cynical remark for this video? OK, watch Paul Pierce wince and contort his face like a baby as he rolls off the pick. I already know what kind of person Paul Pierce is in real life based solely on this video.

Teen Wolf

Only Teen Wolf could jump facing the basket, begin descending from his jump, and then suddenly be at the rim doing a backwards two-handed dunk. Only that Teen Wolf.

Brian Scalabrine Wanna-be

Any white guy who wears a headband and plays basketball will henceforth be referred to as Brian Scalabrine.

Sasha Vujacic (prounounced “voo-ya-chick” FYI)

If you want an example of how not to play defense, watch the following instructional video courtesy of Sasha Vooyabitch. Who is the person that tried to comfort him on the bench? Probably his mom or his grandma or his nanny or his wet nurse. Too far.

Eddie House Gets Slapped

This just happened like two days ago. The Celtics were winning by 20 and Eddie House is like “not enough, I’m going to make it 23″ and busts a three in Rafer Alston’s face. What is the logical next step if you’re Rafer Alston? Try to mount a comeback? Not let it bother you? Remember it’s just a game? NOT IF YOU’RE A REAL MAN. Open-hand bitch slap the guy who just hit the shot. That way you don’t get ejected since it’s not technically a “punch”, and a bonus is you knock the guy’s headband lose so maybe it will fall in his eyes the next time he attempts to make a fool out of you. DO NOT mess with Rafer Alston.

Kevin McHale – Best One Ever

I could go on and on about this one, but it speaks for itself. (The previous videos did not speak for themselves and I had to spell everything out for you so you would get the jokes and observations which you might not have otherwise gotten)

Celtics vs. Magic tonight at 7PM and Lakers vs. Rockets at 9PM, both on ESPN. More amazing stuff like this will probably happen, so you should watch them and become a part of the casual NBA playoff watching club.

Pay close attention to the super-slow speed footage at 3:11. Where does the car go? I don’t know the answer to that. How do explosions happen? Where do things go? Who decides which pieces are left, how big they are, and where they land?

Never give up.

Watching the Colts beat Houston this past Sunday, especially when Sage Rosenfels begins to weep after he throws that last interception, reminded me of when Marlin Jackson gave him a helicopter ride earlier in the season. I feel I owe the Colts an homage of various football hits because of this.

Football to the groin

Football to the head

Helmet to the head:
(happens at :25)

Offense to the kicker
(happens at 1:10)

Kicker to the offense

Defense to the offense:

And finally, some great Colts-specific hits that we’ve all seen before but are worth revisiting as we approach the latter part of the NFL season:

Antoine Bethea vs. Falcons:

Bob Sanders vs Jaguars:

Darrel Reid vs. Chris Henry:
(best hit ever)

*BONUS*

Rare clip from 1970 of Tony Dungy tackling someone so hard that both of their shoes fly off:

1. “Your life saddens me.”
2. “That’s impossible. Your life saddens me.”

It only follows that this video intrigued me. It’s another video about the relative size of things, specifically using the power of 10 scale. If you liked my previous posts regarding this sort of thing (Big Ol’ Numbers and Our Sun Is Tiny) then you will undoubtedly enjoy this video. If not, here is the web page you should be reading instead.

BONUS VIDEOS!

Here’s my way of saying thanks to you for somehow having enough of an attention span to still be reading this scatter-brained blog. I like to sprinkle a little miscellany everywhere I can, especially if it’s gimcrack miscellany. If you read Digg everyday you’ve already seen these. Sorry.

Lightning strike right on the beach! (Audio is NSFW)

Chuck Norris in training! BOOM HEADSHOT

If you’ve seen my first post about Flight Of The Bumblebee performances, you know where I’m going with this. There is some new video footage of the fastest guitarist in the world. Officially the fastest. That’s not just an exaggeration.

He performs Flight Of The Bumblebee song faster and faster and faster. Each time I thought it was the fastest the song could possibly be performed. But then he goes one faster. If the speed dial goes to 10, he turned it to 11.

I think if he went any faster, the signal sent from the pickup in the guitar to the amplifier to the speakers to our ear drums wouldn’t be able to keep up with his fingers and it would result in some sort of warp in the time-space continuum flux capacitor 1.21 jigawatts huey lewis & the news elisabeth shue fish under the sea dance. And we would all die and/or get injured.

Fast forward the video to 2:56 and get ready to live.

Which films did I annoyingly quote and/or reference in this blog post? Hint: there are 4 of them.

Backdrafts were featured in the film by the same name. We all know what a backdraft is by now. All the oxygen is consumed and there are no longer flames but everything is still so hot that any new oxygen introduced to the fire will rapidly expand and splode real big. Lets turn to the video evidence.

I thought that was pretty cool. But then I learned of flashovers, which are indeed cooler – or hotter, depending on your preferred level of literalness. What happens is, in an enclosed room (similar conditions to a backdraft) a fire gives off hot smoke which radiates heat onto all the surfaces in the room. Once all of these surfaces get to around 1000 degrees, they expel flammable gases which ignite, along with every surface in the room. All at the same time. That’s tight.

Read more about flashovers and then feast on these yummy youtubez.

The flashover in this one happens at 1:15:

This one happens right away and the rest of the video is garbage:

But wait, let’s take it one step further. What happens when a flashover occurs OUTDOORS? An eff’n firestorm. That’s right. A storm made out of: fire. Is fire even a thing to be made out of? I’m starting to get confused and overwhelmed and scared.

Firestorms are rare as a dang two-headed kid. They happen usually in nature during wildfires. But we have managed to set buildings and stuff on fire in the past that are capable of producing them too. I want you to visit teh wicky on firestorms and think about them for a minute. Here is the first sentence: “A firestorm is a conflagration which attains such intensity that it creates and sustains its own wind system.”

!!!!!!!!11!!1!1one

Here are some firestorms that resulted from fires us humans made: The Great London Fire (1666), The Great Chicago Fire (1871), The Oakland Firestorm (1991), and the one created by the atomic bomb in Heroshima.

So we have this comparison: backdrafts < flashovers < firestorms < fire whirls -WAIT wha??? Fire whirls?!?

Yes, fire whirls. They exist. And they are coming to get you. According to Wikipedia, a fire whirl is a phenomenon in which a fire acquires a vertical vorticity and forms a whirl, or a tornado-like effect of a vertically oriented rotating column of air. You may wonder how this happens. Me too, but I figured it out on my own: Lucifer.

Just listen to the following sentence and then I’m done with my tirade on fire whirls:

“An extreme example is the 1923 Great Kant? earthquake in Japan which ignited a large city-sized firestorm and produced a gigantic fire whirl that killed 38,000 in fifteen minutes in the Hifukusho-Ato region of Tokyo.”

When you go to bed tonight I want you to think of “a gigantic fire whirl that killed 38,000 in 15 minutes” and I guarantee you will have dreams about fire, featuring scenes with Kurt Russell and Donald Sutherland.

I believe that was recorded in Mordor.

Wow, that looked really windy. And fiery angered evil.

So our final tally is backdrafts < flashovers < firestorms < fire whirls < flame hurricanes – WAIT, wha?!?

I know they exist. I have seen them with my mind.