This is a thing. A real thing. It’s a medication to treat acid reflux disease. What did they call it? AciPhex, naturally. Wait a second… AciPhex? Assiphex? Ass effects? No, no that can’t be right. Well yes, actually, that’s exactly how it’s pronounced. ASS EFFECTS. See for yourself – watch the commercial and try to keep a straight face:

Ass effects is such a great term. It can apply to so many things. You can walk into a really stinky bathroom and say “ooh jeez… ass effects!” Or when you clear out a room with a fart, you can smile and quietly repeat to yourself “man do I have some special ass effects!”. Even Taco Bell can benefit from this phrase, because now they can start including it in their fine print: “ingesting our Volcano Burrito may cause extreme ass effects.”

I was debating on whether or not I should do an entire blog post about the failure of a pharmaceutical company’s marketing department, but my doubt was cast aside when I came across an infographic on Digg about fart facts today. It was at that point that I realized someone was trying to give me a sign. Here is the infographic (click the image for a larger version):

Source: Online Education

So there you go. A TGM post with a bunch of words like “ass”, “fart”, and “pharmaceutical”. Enjoy it while you can because it’s not likely to happen any time in the foreseeable future.

Let me begin by introducing you to him in a way that will immediately show you what he’s all about. That way you can watch this first video and decide if A) you agree with me and want to find out more by reading the rest of the post and commenting about how much you agree, or B) you don’t agree and you don’t feel like wasting your time. Most bloggers wouldn’t be so courteous as to help you with major Internet decisions like this. TMG’s a little different. A special different.

Gabe is the one with the purple tie, FYI.

Now, switch gears for a moment to a blog called Videogum. How did I end up at this blog? I listen to thesixtyone, which has several songs from a music blog called Stereogum, and from there I saw an ad which read “The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time” written about the movie The Family Stone (I, too, hated that movie). After reading the post I was intrigued as to what Videogum was all about. I read a few more of the Worst Movie posts, agreeing with all of them, and loved how poignant the writing was and how the writer was able to bash a terrible movie in a much more elegant way than I could ever hope to with my insanely popular “beratings”.

I started reading more and more of the blog and eventually ended up subscribing and keeping up with every post (there are at least 10 a day) for the last 3 months. When I realized I was addicted to Videogum, I wanted to know more about the writer(s). There are two: a girl named Lindsay Robertson and a guy named Gabriel Delahaye, who goes by Gabe.

I did some research and found out that he is actually a young, normal looking guy (figured he had to be a troll, great writers usually are for some reason), who is actually really funny on camera as well.

Check out another Gabe video making fun of Details magazine and “man style”:

The only problem I have is that I’m afraid Videogum will not be as funny now that I have a face to put with the name (of the writer). That usually seems to ruin it for me because when you take the mystery away things aren’t as intriguing. Why does that happen? In any case Gabe is such a uniquely funny writer that it makes me want to shut down TGM like when they shut down Treadstone on that Bourne movie and all the lights and computers and servers were linked to the same light switch and it all went dark at once. But don’t worry I won’t do that because it only costs me $10 per year to keep TGM running.

*UPDATE*

This one’s really funny too:

Watch all of these videos. They get really good towards the bottom. Hint hint. What I mean by hint hint is that is they get funny. You gotta be kidding me that I have to spell things out like that.

Yao Ming

Note the blatant travel right before the shot and the really bad high five at the end. If I was the official I don’t know which one I’d call. Ahhhh… Chinamen.

Kobe Bryant

Look how completely wide open Walton (#4) is after he sets his illegal moving pick. Yet Kobe takes the shot, despite being defended by two people. If he would’ve missed I would’ve been pissed if I was Walton.

Carmelo Anthony

The only guy to smile after he does something amazing. Everyone else gets all serious and angry at their amazing play, but Carmelo must be just having a good old time when he’s out there. Notice how a butt takes up 90% of the picture at the end.

Dwight Howard

See if you can spot the bald Bill Cosby in the stands after the dunk. Also of note: Tayshon Prince is a bitch.

LeBron James

There are no snide remarks I can make here. LeBron James is by far the best player in the NBA right now, and he is probably the funnest person to watch (although my money’s on Brian Scalabrine for a 1-on-1 matchup against any player). Fine – you want a cynical remark for this video? OK, watch Paul Pierce wince and contort his face like a baby as he rolls off the pick. I already know what kind of person Paul Pierce is in real life based solely on this video.

Teen Wolf

Only Teen Wolf could jump facing the basket, begin descending from his jump, and then suddenly be at the rim doing a backwards two-handed dunk. Only that Teen Wolf.

Brian Scalabrine Wanna-be

Any white guy who wears a headband and plays basketball will henceforth be referred to as Brian Scalabrine.

Sasha Vujacic (prounounced “voo-ya-chick” FYI)

If you want an example of how not to play defense, watch the following instructional video courtesy of Sasha Vooyabitch. Who is the person that tried to comfort him on the bench? Probably his mom or his grandma or his nanny or his wet nurse. Too far.

Eddie House Gets Slapped

This just happened like two days ago. The Celtics were winning by 20 and Eddie House is like “not enough, I’m going to make it 23″ and busts a three in Rafer Alston’s face. What is the logical next step if you’re Rafer Alston? Try to mount a comeback? Not let it bother you? Remember it’s just a game? NOT IF YOU’RE A REAL MAN. Open-hand bitch slap the guy who just hit the shot. That way you don’t get ejected since it’s not technically a “punch”, and a bonus is you knock the guy’s headband lose so maybe it will fall in his eyes the next time he attempts to make a fool out of you. DO NOT mess with Rafer Alston.

Kevin McHale – Best One Ever

I could go on and on about this one, but it speaks for itself. (The previous videos did not speak for themselves and I had to spell everything out for you so you would get the jokes and observations which you might not have otherwise gotten)

Celtics vs. Magic tonight at 7PM and Lakers vs. Rockets at 9PM, both on ESPN. More amazing stuff like this will probably happen, so you should watch them and become a part of the casual NBA playoff watching club.

A good way that I have found to deal with these matters is to listen to what other smarter people had to say and try to use their ideas to help me make my own decisions. It helps me when I am faced with having to converse with someone that knows way more than me about the stock market for instance. Here are 5 short clips that can be essential learning tools from 5 of today’s greatest thinkers.

Sebastian Maniscalco

To me, that clip deals with our current economic crisis by showing you how to save money by cutting out unnecessary luxuries, like expensive restaurants.

Kirk Fox

I like that one because it details how to make the most of what you have and get by in life even when your credit history is not so hot.

Brian Regan

I think that one is important because it encourages us to try and spend a little money on recreational activities, and how by doing so we create jobs in the workforce.

Cedric the Entertainer (NSFW)

I love that one, as it deals with the touchy subject of same-sex marriage in a very respectful, insightful way that really makes you think.

Dane Cook (NSFW)

I think this one demonstrates how to have a two-way argument with the people we care about, which will help us while discussing all of the aforementioned important social issues.

Some would say that I found 5 of my favorite recent stand-up clips and used the “social issue” thing to justify posting them on my blog.

I think I have a lot in common with the guy who writes this comic strip. Meh, everyone probably thinks they do. Just like everyone thinks their boss is worse than Micheal Scott. If your boss was really worse than Micheal Scott, do you really think he would still be your boss? No, he would be in jail and bankrupt.

So, in honor of dear, precious Remy, I’ve decided to share some really funny cat videos with you. If you only have time for two videos, make them the last two.

Mistake Cat

Not all cats are purrrrrfect. (terrible joke = /wrists)

Dramatic Cat

Another one similar to the dramatic hamster. I watched this skeptically because nothing can beat the original, but I’m going to go ahead and say this might give the original a run for it’s money.

Angry Cat

What the hell is she thinking? (has to be a female with that bitchy attitude)

Talking Cats

This one just plain brightened my day.

***WARNING*** 2 really funny videos coming up!!!!!

Printer Cat

Whoever did the sound effects for this video deserves an Oscar. It’s one of those videos that gets funnier as you watch it.

Ninja Cat

And finally this is by far the funniest cat video I’ve ever seen. I wish this was my cat.

by Phil

by Phil

by Phil

by Phil

by Phil

by Jonathan

by Jonathan

by Chris

Tell them what you think in the comments. I really like “How Princess Leia And I Are Different”.

My fourth attempt.

*UPDATE*

Check it out, this graph made it to the front page of Graph Jam:

My third attempt.