There should be another panel with Rorschach from Watchmen stalking Batman stalking the Splinter Cell guy stalking the goon, and then even one more panel after that with Chuck Norris stalking Rorschach. Whoa.

Update – another PA comic with the same style of circling plot:

Let me begin by introducing you to him in a way that will immediately show you what he’s all about. That way you can watch this first video and decide if A) you agree with me and want to find out more by reading the rest of the post and commenting about how much you agree, or B) you don’t agree and you don’t feel like wasting your time. Most bloggers wouldn’t be so courteous as to help you with major Internet decisions like this. TMG’s a little different. A special different.

Gabe is the one with the purple tie, FYI.

Now, switch gears for a moment to a blog called Videogum. How did I end up at this blog? I listen to thesixtyone, which has several songs from a music blog called Stereogum, and from there I saw an ad which read “The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time” written about the movie The Family Stone (I, too, hated that movie). After reading the post I was intrigued as to what Videogum was all about. I read a few more of the Worst Movie posts, agreeing with all of them, and loved how poignant the writing was and how the writer was able to bash a terrible movie in a much more elegant way than I could ever hope to with my insanely popular “beratings”.

I started reading more and more of the blog and eventually ended up subscribing and keeping up with every post (there are at least 10 a day) for the last 3 months. When I realized I was addicted to Videogum, I wanted to know more about the writer(s). There are two: a girl named Lindsay Robertson and a guy named Gabriel Delahaye, who goes by Gabe.

I did some research and found out that he is actually a young, normal looking guy (figured he had to be a troll, great writers usually are for some reason), who is actually really funny on camera as well.

Check out another Gabe video making fun of Details magazine and “man style”:

The only problem I have is that I’m afraid Videogum will not be as funny now that I have a face to put with the name (of the writer). That usually seems to ruin it for me because when you take the mystery away things aren’t as intriguing. Why does that happen? In any case Gabe is such a uniquely funny writer that it makes me want to shut down TGM like when they shut down Treadstone on that Bourne movie and all the lights and computers and servers were linked to the same light switch and it all went dark at once. But don’t worry I won’t do that because it only costs me $10 per year to keep TGM running.

*UPDATE*

This one’s really funny too:

I wonder if people will even notice. They even went to the trouble of changing the favicon. That’s what’s great about this site – people will probably be offended by the sexual reference, but Sam & James don’t care. They are truly doing this site exactly how they want to do it without selling out. This, along with the “Holy Sh*t” sound (from Unreal Tournament) that plays when you max-bump (now “max-heart”) a song, are what make me love this site. Oh yeah and the music’s great too. Check out Metric when you get a chance:

*Update* – looks as if thesixtyone flash players aren’t connecting to the site. Hopefully that will be fixed soon.

YOU ARE CONTRACTION FAIL

It seems like everywhere I turn I’m pimp smacked by the hand of bad news. Doom and gloom abounds on TV, in the movies, and even everyday conversations with people. Our economy is dying. Both presidential candidates suck. Gas prices are way up. The Colts played terribly on Sunday. Global warming. Murder. Abortion. Capital punishment. Genocide. Disease. Famine. Pestilence. Death.

This stuff doesn’t bother me. I don’t dwell on it very often. Heck, maybe I should, I don’t know. But one thing’s for sure, there are many more things in the universe that should put a smile on your face than a frown. Here are 5 of them off the top of my head.

#5 Our Country

Think about the fact that you can choose to vote or choose not to vote, and it’s nobody’s business but your own. You don’t have to tell anyone who you voted for or why, and you can have any political viewpoint you want without worrying about anybody (legally) threatening you. No matter who wins the election we will still be the best country in the world with the most powerful military, the highest GDP, and the best schools and corporations, regardless of what doomsday political know-it-alls are “predicting”.

#4 Taco Bell

Any time of any day that I so choose, I can get in my car, drive down the street, and shop at Taco Bell. Or Hardees. Or Subway. Anywhere I want to eat, I can. And I can eat whatever I want. I thank God for this privilege.

Yes, I consider my visits to fast food establishments to be shopping trips.

#3 Roads

Did you ever stop to think about how you can go anywhere you want? You can get on the interstate, which is probably not far from your driveway and get anywhere in the entire country (besides Hawaii). Or, you can drive to the airport, and get on a plane that will take you anywhere in the world (besides Antartica).

But the roads are especially neat to me. Some people complain about road construction. I see it the other way around. Someone is utilizing a bunch of amazingly-engineered heavy machinery and constructing a road for my pleasure. That brightens my day to think about.

#2 DVR

I can pause and rewind live TV. So can you. Even if you don’t have DVR yet, don’t worry about it. It’s one of those things that every household will have within the next 5 years, like dishwashers, microwaves, and cell phones. If you have a TV, you will have the power of DVR. And it will be magnanimous.

#1 Earth

Our Earth is indestructible by human hands. And most other powers too. The Earth cannot be blown up by bombs, and there is no comet or asteroid big enough to destroy the Earth. Even Mars isn’t big enough. If it smashed into the Earth, it would not destroy the Earth (unless it was going at an unbelievably high speed). Mars is only 11% of the mass of the Earth. The object would have to be as big as Venus, which is 81% Earth’s mass. And it would have to be traveling at 50,000 miles per hour. To find out just how hard it is to destroy our planet, see this article.

So, we live in the greatest country on the most resilient planet in the solar system, and we can travel to any Taco Bell we want on a very sophisticated highway system without missing new episodes of The Office. If that doesn’t brighten your day, I don’t know what else to tell you.

I think I have a lot in common with the guy who writes this comic strip. Meh, everyone probably thinks they do. Just like everyone thinks their boss is worse than Micheal Scott. If your boss was really worse than Micheal Scott, do you really think he would still be your boss? No, he would be in jail and bankrupt.

That’s a screenshot of Digg at around 11:00 AM on 9/18/08. What is wrong with that picture? You don’t have to look very close.

8 of the top 10 stories are anti-McCain/Palin and pro Obama. Why do I still read Digg? Oh that’s right, because it’s the best thing ever created, despite all the political articles.

For the record, I would be just as annoyed if 8 of the top 10 stories were anti-Obama and pro McCain/Palin. I don’t care about politics. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care.

Well, I was gonna post about how 99% of cops are complete idiots, but that is going to be a more involved post that I don’t feel like doing right now. In the meantime I stumbled upon a little gem on Digg today. So, here’s a little more light-hearted fun for you:

Step 1: Read this article and watch all the videos (the first two South Park videos are not required).

Step 2: Watch the new Pork and Beans video by Weezer.

They wouldn’t let me embed the video, so you have to go over to YouTube to see it.

I can’t believe some of these people came out of the woodwork, including Chocolate Rain Guy and Leave Britney Alone Girl. Do you think they got paid? If so, how much?

I bet these numbskulls did it for free.

Here is some partly cynical, mostly hysterical junk I found on the web over the past couple days. First we’ll start with my favorite t-shirt designs from Busted Tees (I wouldn’t waste my time on that site if I were you). If you don’t understand them all, you must not spend 8 hours a day on the interwebs like me. That is probably a good thing.

I hate when people wear t-shirts with clever pop culture references because they’re usually not funny and they become outdated and stale in like a month. So basically I found the following fresh gems in a sea of moldy cliches.

Let’s see, there are 9 of these, so how about we go least funny to most funny? That’s fun because then I get to force my opinion upon you.

I’ve seen this before but I forgot how funny that guy looks.

I need to wear this shirt because every time I try to make fun of someone I make an even dumber mistake myself.

It’s funny because the hat loosely resembles the shape of Canada. Clever.

Same reason as the previous one, except the word “beard” is slightly funnier than the word “hat”.

I can see never forgetting William Wallace, MLK Jr., or Mother Theresa. But dinosaurs didn’t really teach us any lessons and weren’t really valiant or courageous. So never forgetting them is absurdly funny!

So very true. LOL!

If you don’t get this, I’m sorry. If you do, you’re welcome. I’ll let you try to find out for yourself what hilarious new viral video this is referring to.

Gah! The Shredder!

The poor guy is completely square. And they pointed it out!

Alright, now that we’ve properly offended Mexicans, Canadians, Wyomingites, and fans of Bill O’Reilly, we’ll proceed to the REALLY funny stuff. I’m serious, the second half of this post is way more funny than the first half. Ever seen DEmotivational posters? You can see a bunch of them at despair.com which are all SFW. I got most of the following demotivationals from other NSFW sites which I won’t list here.

Here is cynicism at its finest, and most hilarious. Most of these speak for themselves and require no commentary from the peanut gallery, so I’ll spare you. There’s 12 of ‘em, ranked pretty funny to really funny.

Finally, someone so eloquently put into words why I don’t want to use Linux!

OK, these are starting to veer from the “motivational poster” motif to the “make fun of people” motif, but that’s funny too. This picture can’t be real! What’s sad is I sometimes willingly go to Broad Ripple on Friday nights and surround myself with tools just like these. Does that make me a tool?

Anyway, hilarious!

These last few are by far the funniest. We’re moving away from dumb people and into the realm of awesome people. It’s funny for the same reason Chuck Norris jokes are funny.

This was the funniest to me by far. Some poor guy tries to make a demotivational poster about harpoons: “HARPOONS – Man Them” (not sure why that’s funny, but it doesn’t matter). Little did he know he was about to spark a bitter war of ignorance amongst his fellow demotivators. The second guy comes along with a good point: “FAIL – Missiles are NOT harpoons.” That’s already a funny demotivational right there.

But wait! Here comes the third guy, obviously a navy veteran, to correct the second guy with his intellect and wit! “I know even more than the both of you” he says. “It’s a Harpoon Missile, duh.” Haha! LOL! Even funnier! But it’s not over…

Guy #4 gets the last laugh. He gloriously rips apart the third guy’s grammar. Brilliant! “Double” only has one “B”! I love it! I bet he had like 6 people proof read it to make sure it was completely correct so he wouldn’t get ripped in yet another recursively hilarious picture. I guess I could get him for not putting the “B” at the end of his sentence in quotations, but that would be the pot calling the kettle black, so I’ll abstain.

With the release of the new unlocks on The Sixty One, there are a lot of people trying to bump old songs. Why? Because the newest unlock is called Lewis & Clark, and it requires you to bump songs in under-explored genres (classical, blues, country, hip-hop, jazz, r&b, reggae). Seeing as how I only care for about 2 of those genres, I’m struggling to find 50 songs to bump, or even 10 songs to bump 5 times each to equal up to the required 50 bumps needed to achieve level 1 status.

The problem is when a song is a month old it enters “revive” status, which means you are no longer able to bump it without dishing out 1000 points first to revive it. Most of the songs in the aforementioned genres have long since entered the revive graveyard. That leaves us with four possible options:

• 1. Bump songs we really don’t like just to get the level 1 Lewis & Clark unlock
• 2. Just wait until enough good songs come around to bump legitimately
• 3. Spend 1000 points to revive every old song we want to bump
• 4. Figure out a way to bump “revive” songs

Options 1 thru 3 are unacceptable for both the music purist and thesixtyone buff. And I have figured out how to accomplish number 4. While songs that are posted on the front page and on artists’ profiles do not let you bump them w/o reviving them first, the Browse section lets you bump any and all songs. So, if you are unfamiliar with a genre such as classical (one of the genres I do like), I recommend going to Browse and choosing the classical genre in the pull down menu. Then sort by bumps and you will be able to get a taste of the most popular tunes in this category to get you started. Most of the songs will be revive songs, but if you listen to the song and attempt to bump it directly from the Browse screen (without clicking the song and going to the artist profile) you will find success.

Hope this helps all you t61 listeners out there, and if you’re not on t61, get your butt there because it’s the best thing that has happened to me on the Intartubes since Digg. See this post for more information on thesixtyone.

I’m sorry if this is an obvious feature, but I’ve been using the site for 5 months and I never knew about it, so I hope at least someone out there gets some helpful information from this post.