I can’t believe I discovered this band at the Grammys. The Grammys is a 3.5 hour block of egos, actor slash “musicians”, and occasional mainstream country performances. Amiright? Yes, I am right and correct. But something happened two nights ago at the 53rd annual Grammy awards show that knocked me off my condescending elitist horse. I saw a band I’d never heard of before perform a song with such fervor that I was instantly drawn to them. And the song was very, very good. Too good. I thought there was a catch or something. But after two days of pondering, buying their album, and watching Youtube videos of their performances, I’m convinced they’re the real deal.

I oft face a conundrum with music in general, and that is: why do most of the “best” bands have dark & depressing, overly-political, or blatantly atheistic lyrics? There are of course exceptions to this rule, but they are too few and far between. I’m happy to report that Mumford & Sons have narrowed that gap just a little. Here is their refreshing Grammy performance of The Cave to start you off:

Just in case that video is removed by the time you read this, you can watch it on (ugh, sorry) Perez Hilton here. And just in case BOTH of those links no longer work, the official music video they made for the song is here. Mumford & Sons are a folk rock band from England. That’s weird. Does England have folk? I thought folk was just America. Next thing you’re gonna tell me is India has created their own version of Hollywood. What? When did that happen? Anyway, here are some noteworthy songs from their album entitled Sigh No More.

This song is called White Blank Page:

This song is called Awake My Soul:

Finally, this one is called After The Storm. It’s one of the most beautiful and powerful songs I’ve heard in a long time. If you don’t listen to any other songs here, listen to this one:

The thing that draws me to Mumford & Sons, other than their music, is the message prevalent all throughout their lyrics. It’s a message of a God of grace, being called out to be a better person, and looking forward to the day when the sky is rolled back and we meet our maker. Below is an excerpt of lyrics from several songs off their album, in order:

Sigh No More

Love it will not betray you
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be

There is a design, an alignment, a cry
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be

The Cave

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it’s meant to be

Roll Away Your Stone

Cause you told me that I would find a hole,
Within the fragile substance of my soul
And I have filled this void with things unreal,
And all the while my character it steals

Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think?
And yet it dominates the things I see

Thistle & Weeds

I begged you to hear me, there’s more than flesh and bones
Let the dead bury the dead, they will come out in droves
But take the spade from my hands and fill in the holes you’ve made

But plant your hope with good seeds
Don’t cover yourself with thistle and weeds
Rain down, rain down on me

Awake My Soul

In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life

Awake my soul
You were made to meet your maker

After The Storm

Because death is just so full and man so small
Well I’m scared of what’s behind and what’s before

And there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see what you find there
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair

Not only are those lyrics poetic, clever, and deep, they are full of hope and references to Christianity. I am blown away by this band and I can’t wait for them to release their next album, which probably won’t be anytime soon since they are touring all over the world right now. Hopefully if you haven’t heard of Mumford & Sons before, you can enjoy the music and/or lyrics I have posted here.

And if nothing else, at least you know that TGM is still a website that exists with blog posts. I bet you didn’t know that.

Thanks, Twilight. Thanks for being the reason there is now a section in bookstores purely devoted to Teen Paranormal Romance. I’m serious, I saw it last week when I was at Barnes & Noble. I thought the first Twilight movie was enjoyable, just like I enjoy the first steak I eat at dinner. Thanks, I’m full, and I enjoyed becoming full. What’s that? No, I don’t want to eat 3 more steaks exactly the same size, shape, and taste as the first one I ate. Likewise, I don’t want to watch several subsequent movies that are literally the exact same recipe as Twilight, designed solely to make movie studio execs’ wallets even fatter. It was bad enough that there was more than one Twilight movie (none of which were as good as the first one), but now we have Teen Paranormal Romance. So, I was not the least bit surprised when I saw the following movie trailer. It’s based on an old fairy tale, but it’s clearly 1% old fairy tale and 99% Teen Paranormal Romance. See for yourself (ugh):

Red Riding Hood Trailer

Interesting fact: the Teen Paranormal Romance section at Barnes & Noble is roughly 4x the size as the Christianity section. Should it be like that? Is that normal? (answer: no, it’s PARA-normal. puns!)

I guarantee you have heard one of these songs and thought it was the other one, and vice versa. Speaking of vice versa, did you know it’s actually pronounced “vice-UH versa”? I didn’t. That’s stupid. It should be vice versa. Dumb Latin. Why is the word “Latino” so close to “Latin”? Why does ancient Greece or whatever come to mind when I think of Latin, but modern day Mexico come to mind when I think of Latino? That little “o” at the end makes all the difference, man. I am ignorant. Duh.

So imma lay out exactly what is in your mind. Close your eyes and clear your mind and think back to the glorious day you first saw Home Alone, one of the greatest movies of our time. Now zero in on the scene near the beginning where the family is frantically running around the house trying to get ready to go to the airport because they all woke up late (is that possible?). Remember the instantly classic music playing during that scene? If you have somehow forgotten, here it is:

So, obviously that’s from that Nutcracker thing by Chakovsky-something or other, right? Duh. Only, it’s not. Here is what you’re thinking of:

“Russian Dance” from The Nutcracker (Tchaikovsky):

That first one was a FREAKING RIP OFF by none other than the GREAT JAY-DOG WILLIAMS entitled “Holiday Flight” from the Home Alone soundtrack. Yep, John Williams stole Tchaikovsky’s sound, dude. It’s even in the same key!

Now that you know this important distinction, you are empowered and enabled to live a more fulfilled life. Go.

The Good

I knew it would be good! I knew it! Some people hated it. However, A lot of other, smarter people raved about it. I for one am raving about it. Here’s the thing, I’m sort of tired of logically defining every aspect of life. What am I, a scientist? Don’t get me wrong, me and logic are like peas and carrots, but peas also have another cooler friend called mashed potatoes, and mashed potatoes represent feelings and emotions. Sometimes I discard logic for feelings, and that’s what I’m doing with Inception.

Here’s the recipe for Inception: start with The Matrix (everyone’s saying it, but it’s true), one of the all-time greatest films, and extract the feeling it gave you. That wonderful, overwhelming sci-fi-ish feeling. Put that in a mixing bowl and add in a generous helping of plot holes, Minority Report, a tablespoon of Vanilla Sky, a dash of Dark City, and the dark atmosphere of The Dark Knight (so much dark!). Bake that and eat it, and then you will fall asleep and have a good dream about a movie called Inception, which is about dreams-within-dreams-within-dreams. Sweet dreams!

I really need to see it again because it leaves lots of stuff hidden between the lines, plus it has that paradoxical element that time travel films often possess, and when I tried to think about it too hard my brain started to hurt. Maybe that’s because someone was in there last night inceptifying too many ideas at once. This movie was completely original and not based on any previous stories. I’m so sick of remakes and this was surprisingly refreshing simply because it was a brand new work of fiction. Christopher Nolan is awesome! Other people who are awesome: all of the actors in this film (minus Mal, she was depressing).

Some of my favorite parts of Inception are the whole dream-within-a-dream thing (did anyone else guess they were in a dream-within-a-dream in the first scene like I did? Count it!), the idea of “kicks”, all of the visual effects, the never-done-before zero-gravity hallway fight scene, and the awesome score by Hans Zimmer (wow!). Just check out this brief clip from the soundtrack:

The Bad

The problem with this film is that it might be too smart for some people. I realized it’s not the smartest movie ever to come out, but it’s a Hollywood summer blockbuster, which means it is being released amidst such generic and most assuredly dumb films as The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, The Last Airbender, and Salt, to name a few. The good news is those three films I just listed got terrible reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, while Inception got rave reviews, so maybe this isn’t such a bad thing. Still, I know there are a lot of people out there who just won’t be able to follow what is going on in Inception, and thus will say “it’s stupid”. Ha. OK.

There are two glaring problems that I noticed in this film. First off and superficially, all the action scenes in the Alpine third-layer dream were really annoying. They weren’t well done and they lasted far too long. Secondly, and this one’s more important to me, the dreams just weren’t, well, “dreamy” enough. Everyone had dreams of regular places and regular people doing regular things. Sure, in one of the dreams a Paris city street folded on top of itself, but if you think about it, that’s not really as ridiculous as the stuff we actually dream about. What I’m trying to say is, you know how you have dreams that sound retarded when you tell them to people? Why didn’t any of the people in Inception have retarded dreams? Everything made sense. That was sort of weird to me. I guess maybe the whole film might not have made sense otherwise, right? Still part of “The Bad” section for me.

The Beratings

Acting – No Beratings. Joseph Gordon Levitt (3rd Rock From The Sun kid) and Ellen Page (Juno chick) are superb supporting actors, and obviously Leo was amazing, as he always is.

Plot – No Beratings. It was totally original and awesome.

Inconsistencies – 1 Berating. These people are dreaming, so why aren’t their dreams screwed up like mine? Also, if they were floating in dream layer 2, why not in dream layer 3?

Unbelievable Events – No Beratings. Since everything happens in the subconscious, nothing is really that unbelievable. Brilliant!

Semantics – No Beratings. If I gave half beratings, I would give one here since the snow action scenes were really annoying, but alas, I don’t.

1/10 Beratings = See it the first weekend

The Berating Scale
0/10 Stand in line for the very first showing
» 1/10 See it the first weekend
2/10 See it at full price
3/10 See it at the Five-Buck-Club
4/10 See it at the dollar-fifty
5/10 See it OnDemand
6/10 Rent it from Blockbuster
7/10 Watch it on TV
8/10 Watch it purely for spousal points
9/10 Never watch it
10/10 Buy it and publicly destroy it

Here’s Some Not-So-Good Movies I’ve Seen Recently To Balance Things Out

The Hurt Locker: 5/10 Beratings

Depressing, no new territory (ANOTHER war movie…*sigh*), nothing really even happened. They’re dismantling bombs. So what.

The Blind Side: 5/10 Beratings

Totally cliched, seen it a million times, not great acting, I don’t really believe that’s how it happened at all. In a word, “Hollywood-ized”. Is that a word?

Invention of Lying: 6/10 Beratings

Thought it was going to be funny. There were maybe 2 funny scenes. Terribly disappointing. Plus, maybe a little blasphemous, depending on your mood…

Twilight: New Moon: 7/10 Beratings

I have no ill-feelings toward the Twilight series. It was not a good movie at all, but I completely see how its audience enjoyed the heck out of it. I’m just not its audience.

Alice In Wonderland: 7/10 Beratings

Why didn’t they just make this movie 100% computer animated instead of 98%? Way too outlandish, over-acted, un-inspiring, and nonsensical. I need at least a little substance in a film. This had zero substance.

The Men Who Stare At Goats: 8/10 Beratings

I don’t even need to explain why this sucked. Everyone who saw it agrees with me. Those who haven’t seen it are lucky.

Confessions of a Shopaholic: 9/10 Beratings

This is the biggest rip-off of a movie I’ve ever seen since Transmorphers. The movie it’s clearly ripping off is The Devil Wears Prada, which is a great film. This, however, ABSOLUTELY SUCKED. It might be in the running for my next installment of “Top 5er: Blacklisted Films”.

There is a link to an amazing article at the end of this blog post. But, before you click the link, you must agree with the following 8 statements. If you do not agree to all of them – ALL OF THEM – you are not allowed to click the link. I will be watching you as you read the statements and analyze them in your head. I have a plugin which notifies me by IP address when someone accesses my blog, lets me actually see back at them using their computer’s web cam, and then lets me disable the link so they can’t click it. I can usually tell by someone’s facial expression if they agree or disagree with a statement that is made. So, unless you A) don’t have a web cam, or B) have a great poker face, this applies to you. Yes, I went to all that work just to disable a link. That’s how important the topic at hand is. So, do you agree or disagree with the following 8 statements?

1. I get sick of all the Hollywood blockbusters that are churned out every other week.
2. I have decided not to pay $10 to go see Transformers 3 when it comes out in theaters and instead wait and see it on DVD, if I even see it at all.
3. I appreciated at least one of Christopher Nolan’s previous films for being smarter than the average Hollywood blockbuster (Memento, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight).
4. Critics have said Christopher Nolan’s next film, Inception, might be “too smart” for moviegoers. That fact makes me want to see Inception even more than I already did.
5. I agree with everything stated in this previous TGM post: Most People Like Terrible Movies
6. I agree with everything stated in this previous TGM post: Transformers Berated
7. I agree with everything stated in this previous TGM post: I’m Calling Inception
8. I hope Michael Bay slips on a stack of his million dollar bills and becomes paralyzed so he can no longer make any films ever. (Seriously, you need to agree with this one. He’s about to make another reboot of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. ANOTHER.)

If you agreed with all 8 of those, click on this link and read this awesome article written by someone who actually has good taste in movies. It’s basically an article saying what I’ve been saying all along, except written by an actual smart person who has higher than a 7th grade level of vocabulary. It pretty much bashes Transformers 2 and all other mindless movies like that, and glorifies smart movies like Inception. Here’s a little taste of how good this person is at writing to whet your appetite:

Audiences are a hungry breed. They want to have something to eat every single weekend and studios spend months preparing those meals. Yet, often there is nothing to “digest” at all — there is no substance to the meal, i.e. nothing for an audience member to contemplate later. It simply is what it is: filler, a snack, empty calories. Yet, as much as we complain about fluff films — as most summer blockbusters are — we all flock to the next big blockbuster. Maybe we just don’t know any better?

Here’s the article*

*If you did not agree with all the statements, yet you were able to click that link, then I hope you feel immense shame that grows with each word that you read. I still love you, but it’s called “tough love”, and it’s the only way you’ll learn.

Scorsese does it again. While Shutter Island is not about the mob or gangs or Italy or wiseguys or illegal drugs, it still has that Scorsese feel. There are a few common elements carried over from his previous film The Departed, such as Boston accents and Leonardo DiCaprio, but that is where the similarities end. There are only about 10 “f-bombs”, in contrast to the 100+ in his other films. There are 2 violent/bloody scenes, in contrast to the usual 10+ in his other films. An finally, there are 0 crazy, old, tough-guy actors (Robert Deniros, Joe Pescis, and Jack Nicolsons), in contrast to 1+ of his other films. The point is that Martin Scorsese has deviated from the type of film genre he usually dabbles in (quite successfully) to venture into the realm of psychological thriller, and he proves that he is quite skilled in it. I’m hoping for a romantic comedy next, followed by a new installment in the college humor Van Wilder series.

The Good

When I go see a film in this genre, I am aiming to experience that good ol’ frightened feeling. Not the type that makes me jump out of my seat, but the type that runs a little deeper in the “disturbing” department and causes me to intermittently reflect back on the movie over the next week, remembering how disturbing it was and trying not to spoil it for people who haven’t seen it yet. So, how does Mr. Scorsese approach this genre? Take a look at the following elements that he uses in Shutter Island:

• A 1950s mental institution
• An island with one way on and one way off
• A lighthouse
• A brewing storm
• A German psychiatrist
• People smoking cigarettes (aaaaahhh!!!)

How can that movie not be scary? Even if Micheal Bay directed that movie, it would still be scary for at least 1 minute, depending on who composed the music. BURN! Think about it – old mental institutions are just plain scary because you never know what type of weird brain surgeries they’re performing on their patients. An island in the North Atlantic surrounded by 100-foot shear bluffs? Scary. A lighthouse? Scary (see: The Ring). A brewing storm? Adds that element of ominous evil. A German psychiatrist? Seeing as how the Nazis performed all those crazy psychiatric experiments – scary.

So, it is scary. We know that now. But what else was good? Leonardo DiCaprio was very very good. He plays the all-to-familiar character with a troubled past. But it’s what we find out about his past that blows the familiarity away. What really makes this film stand out, however, is the plot. If you haven’t seen it, you probably shouldn’t be reading this blog post anyway, but at least don’t read the next sentence, because even though I’m not saying anything specific about the movie, it will still probably lessen the whole experience for you. Shutter Island is one of those films that you think you have figured out early on, but then it purposely causes you to second guess your initial prediction, and then it makes you go back and forth the rest of the movie. “Oh I know how this ends…”, “Nevermind, I have no idea how this ends…”, “Oh… wait, yep – I know what’s going to happen…”, “Actually, shoot, nope, I think I’m wrong… or am I?” And it makes you do that literally until that last frame of film.

This is definitely one of those movies that you will most definitely have to have conversations about afterwards. You know how people talked about the Spielberg film “A.I.”? Well this will cause some similar discussions. Pay attention to the very last line of dialog that Leonardo DiCaprio says. I know what it means – but did you catch it?

One final word on The Good of Shutter Island (spoiler!): it does such a good job with the insaneness of some of the characters, that a few times I started thinking things like “What if I’m not really sitting here in this chair watching this movie? What if I’m actually insane right now and none of this is real?” And I love that it could do that to me.

The Bad

There was a section of the movie, from about 60% of the way through to about 90% of the way through, that started to lose me. And that’s a big chunk of film. There was so much vague, referential dialog that I started forgetting who was who. I know the purpose was to make you try to figure out what was real and what was imagined, but it went on too long and started to lose some of the audience. It started to lose some of its realism and poignancy for me, and I wish it would have kept us guessing a little bit more. Despite the fact that later in the film we are thrown off the scent again, I don’t like how long of a section of the film I was sitting there sure where it was going to go, and some of the conversations could have been cut in half. The flashbacks started getting a little redundant too. They were all pretty much the same thing, and they were mostly in slow motion, which put me in a different place and made it harder for the film to pull me back in once the flashback was over.

The Beratings

Acting – No Beratings. Leo shines, as do the psychiatrist characters.

Plot – No Beratings. Keeps you guessing, even after you think you guessed the ending.

Inconsistencies – 1 Berating. I’m deducting a point for the 60-90% section of the film I talked about earlier.

Unbelievable Events – No Beratings. The insane factor actually makes everything quite believable.

Semantics – 1 Berating. The flashbacks were too much, enough to merit a berating point.

2/10 Beratings = See it at full price

The Berating Scale
0/10 Stand in line for the very first showing
1/10 See it the first weekend
» 2/10 See it at full price
3/10 See it at the Five-Buck-Club
4/10 See it at the dollar-fifty
5/10 See it OnDemand
6/10 Rent it from Blockbuster
7/10 Watch it on TV
8/10 Watch it purely for spousal points
9/10 Never watch it
10/10 Buy it and publicly destroy it