I can’t believe I discovered this band at the Grammys. The Grammys is a 3.5 hour block of egos, actor slash “musicians”, and occasional mainstream country performances. Amiright? Yes, I am right and correct. But something happened two nights ago at the 53rd annual Grammy awards show that knocked me off my condescending elitist horse. I saw a band I’d never heard of before perform a song with such fervor that I was instantly drawn to them. And the song was very, very good. Too good. I thought there was a catch or something. But after two days of pondering, buying their album, and watching Youtube videos of their performances, I’m convinced they’re the real deal.

I oft face a conundrum with music in general, and that is: why do most of the “best” bands have dark & depressing, overly-political, or blatantly atheistic lyrics? There are of course exceptions to this rule, but they are too few and far between. I’m happy to report that Mumford & Sons have narrowed that gap just a little. Here is their refreshing Grammy performance of The Cave to start you off:

Just in case that video is removed by the time you read this, you can watch it on (ugh, sorry) Perez Hilton here. And just in case BOTH of those links no longer work, the official music video they made for the song is here. Mumford & Sons are a folk rock band from England. That’s weird. Does England have folk? I thought folk was just America. Next thing you’re gonna tell me is India has created their own version of Hollywood. What? When did that happen? Anyway, here are some noteworthy songs from their album entitled Sigh No More.

This song is called White Blank Page:

This song is called Awake My Soul:

Finally, this one is called After The Storm. It’s one of the most beautiful and powerful songs I’ve heard in a long time. If you don’t listen to any other songs here, listen to this one:

The thing that draws me to Mumford & Sons, other than their music, is the message prevalent all throughout their lyrics. It’s a message of a God of grace, being called out to be a better person, and looking forward to the day when the sky is rolled back and we meet our maker. Below is an excerpt of lyrics from several songs off their album, in order:

Sigh No More

Love it will not betray you
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be

There is a design, an alignment, a cry
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be

The Cave

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it’s meant to be

Roll Away Your Stone

Cause you told me that I would find a hole,
Within the fragile substance of my soul
And I have filled this void with things unreal,
And all the while my character it steals

Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think?
And yet it dominates the things I see

Thistle & Weeds

I begged you to hear me, there’s more than flesh and bones
Let the dead bury the dead, they will come out in droves
But take the spade from my hands and fill in the holes you’ve made

But plant your hope with good seeds
Don’t cover yourself with thistle and weeds
Rain down, rain down on me

Awake My Soul

In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life

Awake my soul
You were made to meet your maker

After The Storm

Because death is just so full and man so small
Well I’m scared of what’s behind and what’s before

And there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see what you find there
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair

Not only are those lyrics poetic, clever, and deep, they are full of hope and references to Christianity. I am blown away by this band and I can’t wait for them to release their next album, which probably won’t be anytime soon since they are touring all over the world right now. Hopefully if you haven’t heard of Mumford & Sons before, you can enjoy the music and/or lyrics I have posted here.

And if nothing else, at least you know that TGM is still a website that exists with blog posts. I bet you didn’t know that.

I guarantee you have heard one of these songs and thought it was the other one, and vice versa. Speaking of vice versa, did you know it’s actually pronounced “vice-UH versa”? I didn’t. That’s stupid. It should be vice versa. Dumb Latin. Why is the word “Latino” so close to “Latin”? Why does ancient Greece or whatever come to mind when I think of Latin, but modern day Mexico come to mind when I think of Latino? That little “o” at the end makes all the difference, man. I am ignorant. Duh.

So imma lay out exactly what is in your mind. Close your eyes and clear your mind and think back to the glorious day you first saw Home Alone, one of the greatest movies of our time. Now zero in on the scene near the beginning where the family is frantically running around the house trying to get ready to go to the airport because they all woke up late (is that possible?). Remember the instantly classic music playing during that scene? If you have somehow forgotten, here it is:

So, obviously that’s from that Nutcracker thing by Chakovsky-something or other, right? Duh. Only, it’s not. Here is what you’re thinking of:

“Russian Dance” from The Nutcracker (Tchaikovsky):

That first one was a FREAKING RIP OFF by none other than the GREAT JAY-DOG WILLIAMS entitled “Holiday Flight” from the Home Alone soundtrack. Yep, John Williams stole Tchaikovsky’s sound, dude. It’s even in the same key!

Now that you know this important distinction, you are empowered and enabled to live a more fulfilled life. Go.

I have been asked a few times why I hate Nickelback so much. Well, hopefully after writing this blog post I can answer that question in the future by giving the person the URL to this article. Thanks, past self. You’re welcome, future self.

I was in the car today and forgot my iPod, so I had to listen to the radio. I came upon a gem of a song. And by “gem” I mean “turd” and by “song” I mean “homeless man”. It’s called “If Today Was Your Last Day” by Nickelback, and it is one of the worst songs I have ever heard. In fact, the only worse songs I’ve heard have been other Nickelback songs, like the one where he says something about looking at a photograph and he’s asking what the hell was on his friend Jimmy’s head or something like that. I hope you never have to hear it.

Anyway, Nickelback is notorious for writing what are almost universally agreed-upon to be bad bad songs. The song I heard on the radio today was probably the 20th radio single I can think of in the last 2 years from this band. I stopped listening to their songs after “Leader of Men” (good song actually) off their debut album, so I decided to take a listen to the lyrics of their newest “hit”. After finishing the song, I decided that if there was ever a highlight reel of modern idioms, this song would be the soundtrack. Here is the song, and the first two verses written out below it:

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day’s a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

Against the grain should be a way of life
What’s worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts ’cause there’s no second try
So live like you’re never living twice
Don’t take the free ride in your own life

Seriously, Nickelback?!

Let’s look at each line individually and see if this song is even about anything:

Lyric:

“My best friend game me the best advice. He said each day’s a gift and not a given right.”

Meaning:

Don’t take anything for granted.

Reason it’s dumb:

What adult male talks about his best friend? A 12 year old adult male, that’s who. Also, it’s taken straight from this quote.

Lyric:

“Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind and try to take the path less traveled by”

Meaning:

Go for it in life – don’t take life for granted.

Reason it’s dumb:

It’s completely unoriginal. It’s three tired idioms in one sentence: 1) Leave no stone unturned, 2) Leave your fears behind you (28 million Google search results – most unrelated to this song), 3) Take the road less traveled (already a book based on a famous poem).

Lyric:

“That first step you take is the longest stride”

Meaning:

Beginning something is the hardest part.

Reason it’s dumb:

Again, completely unoriginal and stolen from this ancient proverb: The first step is always the hardest.

Lyric:

“Against the grain should be a way of life”

Meaning:

The same meaning as when he says “take the road less traveled”

Reason it’s dumb:

He already said this using a stolen idiom. Now he’s not only just repeating what others have said, but he’s stealing multiple idioms to say the same thing! This time he uses this one: Go Against The Grain.

Lyric:

“What’s worth the price is always worth the fight”

Meaning:

This actually doesn’t mean what you think it does – it’s incomplete.

Reason it’s dumb:

This is sort of a Begging The Question logical fallacy. He’s trying to make a point by saying the same thing again a different way. If something is worth the price you pay, what you are saying is that the benefits outweigh the sacrifice, or the pros outweigh the cons. Consequently, if you say something is worth the fight, you are essentially just saying something is worth the price. Both “price” and “fight” are meant to represent the sacrifice or “work” you put into it. So, we naturally hear this sentence as “What’s worth the benefit is worth the cost”, even though that’s not even what he said! That also proves this is yet another stolen idiom – how else could we have naturally known what he was trying to say, despite what he actually did say, if we hadn’t already heard it a thousand times?

Lyric:

“Every second counts ’cause there’s no second try, so live like you’re never living twice”

Meaning:

You only live life once.

Reason it’s dumb:

Look at the Wikipedia results for each of these two phrases: Every Second Counts, and You Only Live Once. There are already albums, books, films, and game shows with these titles. Again, nothing new here.

Lyric:

“Don’t take the free ride in your own life”

Meaning:

Don’t take anything for granted.

Reason it’s dumb:

Again, yet another stolen idiom. It’s this one: Free Ride.

There you go, not a single original idea presented. There is nothing to debate, and nothing to discuss. Even the chord progression – that cliched, overused, G-D-A progression – has been used a million times before even by Nickelback themselves (see chorus of Nickelback’s “Someday”, and then compare that chorus to Nickelback’s “Savin’ Me”, and THEN try to distinguish all three of these songs in your head – it’s impossible).

I am not trying to be a music elitist here as I will be the first to admit that I like music that true elitists scoff at. But I will say that I draw the line at Nickelback. Let’s look at a true song by a true band. It’s called Pyramid Song by Radiohead. I didn’t choose it because it’s the most complicated and deep song by Radiohead (which it’s not) because that would be an unfair comparison. I chose it 1) because it’s very short and 2) because it randomly came on my iPod when I got back to my desk at work. Here is the song and the full lyrics posted below it:

i jumped in the river and what did I see?
black-eyed angels swimming with me
a moon full of stars and astral cars
all the figures i used to see
all my lovers were there with me
all my past and futures
and we all went to heaven in a little row boat
there was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt

First of all, if you can name the time signature of that song I will be very impressed. Secondly, the song is not preachy at all. It is an eerie story that presents different imagery to different listeners, and it has spurred much debate, as do a lot of other Radiohead songs. Some say the song is about euthanasia, while others say it’s inspired by Dante’s Inferno. And while some of the lines were inspired by or taken from previous works, none of them were based on common idioms, maxims, proverbs, sayings, cliches, or quotes.

This is not to say that you have to like Radiohead’s song and you aren’t allowed to like Nickelback’s song. It is just a comparative example of why I think Radiohead, for instance, is such a better band than Nickelback, and I would even argue that is an objective statement in the world of music (not the world of pop, hollywood, ‘tweens, or money). Radiohead is musically complex, Nickelback is not. Radiohead is lyrically original, Nickelback is not. Radiohead is thought-provoking and inspiring, Nickelback is not. Radiohead is musically diverse, Nickelback is not. Radiohead does not get boo-ed off stage, Nickelback does.

UPDATE***

Here’s proof that Nickelback is unoriginal musically and even copies itself. This video layers How You Remind Me and Someday. They are THE SAME SONG:

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Below you will notice that I have embedded a convenient countdown timer for your benefit. Except I couldn’t specify a time, so it’s counting down to midnight of September 9th. Close enough.

Around this time every year I usually do a blog post to get us hyped up for football season. For the 2007 season I posted an awesome Nike commercial that gets you hyped up no matter what. For the 2008 season I posted a funny Jim Mora commercial that will make you laugh as well as get you hyped up no matter what. Sometimes I even do it mid-year, like in December 2007 when I hit you with a post with awesome NFL photos which is guaranteed to make you wish you played in the NFL and also get you hyped up no matter what.

This year I have been inspired by the sound of music. I have obtained samples of all the various NFL themes. You will be surprised at how many of these you know, and how you didn’t realize they were actually different songs. Even if you’re a girl, or are not a football fan, or both, I guarantee you will recognize 90% of these themes. You won’t know how, but you’ll recognize them, I promise.

We’ll start with one that every Colts fan should know, since Colts games usually air on CBS. Here is the NFL on CBS theme, which I find resembles the soundtrack from the game Killer Instinct Gold, especially at :20 seconds in:

NFL on CBS

Next is one that everyone knows, and is probably one of the most recognizable themes (not one of my favorites, however). It’s the NFL on FOX theme, and I can’t help but to think of that retarded dancing robot on the bottom-left corner of the screen when I listen to it.

NFL on FOX

Here’s one that I’m not sure is used anymore. It’s the Monday Night Football theme from back when it was on ABC.

Monday Night Football on ABC

Here is the new MNF theme since it has been broadcast on ESPN. This theme is better than the ABC version in my opinion. I think this is actually a really old theme from the 70s that has been modernized. Anyway, here it is, and it will get you real real hyped up.

Monday Night Football on ESPN

Oh boy, I can’t wait for this next one. It’s the NFL on NBC (mainly Sunday Night Football games) and it gets my heart a’racing. It sounds like it’s from Indiana Jones or something. I swear this is by John Williams, it has to be:

NFL on NBC

And now for the theme that is guaranteed to make you leave work and go home and sit on the couch and stare at your television until September 10th, 2009 without eating or sleeping. It is the awe-inspiring Thursday Night Football theme from NFL Networks. I guarantee you when you first start listening to this you will get chills down your spine.

Thursday Night Football on NFL Networks

And now for a couple retired themes. First, my favorite theme of all time, NFL on CBS from the 1990s. I don’t know what’s up with the announcing, but at least you can hear the theme at the beginning.

NFL on CBS – 90s era

*UPDATE – Better version w/o announcing (originally posted version below it):*

Originally posted version:

Second, a theme that I’m finding is more obscure than I thought. I have a friend who is a musical genius and has created a medley of NFL themes on piano. I love what he does, but there is a theme that is missing from his repertoire, and I’ve tried to hum it to him to spark his memory to no avail. I really hope he’s reading this because I want him to hear the NFL on NBC theme from the 1990s and include it in his medley from now on.

NFL on NBC – 90s era

BONUS!

While we’re at it, let’s hear some NBA themes. As with the NFL themes, you will be astounded at how these are actually distinct themes. The first one comes to us from the NBA on TNT, where you can find most of the NBA games throughout the year.

NBA on TNT

Next we have the NBA on Fox Sports Net, which I haven’t heard a lot, but I do recognize it. It’s not that great, but worth a listen.

NBA on FSN

This is undoubtedly my favorite current NBA theme song. It is from the NBA on ESPN, and I don’t know why, but it matches basketball so well. I don’t know how someone sat down and thought “I need to make a song and it needs to sound like basketball” and then execute that thought so perfectly. My favorite part is the triumphant horns at :29 seconds in.

NBA on ESPN

And finally one of the most memorable themes of all time. This is no longer used, but back in the 90s when the NBA was in its prime, this is the theme that got everyone pumped up. How can such a simple melody be so memorable and mesmerizing? This particular theme was written by John Tesh and it’s called Roundball Rock. Here is a live performance at Red Rocks and it’s totally worth watching:

NBA on NBC

One thing I thought was interesting was that NBA on NBC has the same kind of sound as Monday Night Football on ABC. What’s your favorite theme? Are there any themes listed that you haven’t heard before? Did I miss a good one? TGM wants to know your thoughts and feelings!

Never give up.

There are a lot of good songs out there to listen to for any number of reasons. But there is nothing like a good film score to motivate you. I’ve got plenty of soundtracks queued up in iTunes for just such occasions, and I tap my film score playlist up to 2-3 times per week.

I was able to find YouTube videos of some of the best soundtrack samples in my playlist. If you’re dragging your feet at work and have absolutely no inspiration, I want you to listen to the following 5 audio clips. This isn’t a list of “greatest film scores of all time” because it digs one level deeper and presents to you a specific part of each soundtrack that has particularly inspired me over the years.

This first one is meant to awaken your all-but-forgotten imagination and get the blood flowing to your creative side.

The Mummy End Credits by Jerry Goldsmith (The Mummy)

Now that you’re feeling a bit magical, I’ll turn it up a notch with arguably the best single part of the entire Star Wars film score catalog (it’s possible that I will be murdered for saying that).

Throne Room by John Williams (Star Wars: Episode IV)

I make no guarantees that your head will not explode by listening to this next one directly after listening to that last one.

Batman Main Theme by Danny Elfman (Batman)

You will find that as you listen to this one, something will happen to you. You will either A) complete any and all outstanding projects you’re currently working on or B) join the army.

Leave No Man Behind by Hans Zimmer (Black Hawk Down)

We’re coming to the last song on the list, and I must present you with an apology right off the bat. You will listen to this and then it will end and then you will look around and the world will be so dull that you will regret ever having come to my blog, and for that I’m sorry. It will be like a blind person gaining sight for 2 minutes and 53 seconds and then being struck with blindness again.

Charging Fort Wagner by James Horner (Glory)

P.S. I think they play that last one on the loudspeakers as you ascend into heaven.

This brings me to a prediction I have about the future of the Internet and search technology. Mark my words: soon every song ever created will be indexed front-to-back, and we will be able to hum a few consecutive notes of either the melody or harmony of any song, and our computer will immediately return every song that contains that sequence. The more you hum, the better your search results will be. It doesn’t matter what key you hum in, whether your pitch is on, or even if you hum the right melody.

And this will happen within the next 10 years.

Oh and also if you are saying to yourself “that’s easy, they can do that in the next 2 years, what’s so hard about that?” then you are technologically ignorant.

*BONUS*

I found out that a song called Danse Macabre also came from Carnival of the Animals, which is another song that I have heard before but could never verify its provenance. Take a gander, I guarantee you’ve heard this at least once before. If you’ve seen Tombstone you have.

Jonathan, please bear with the rest of us non-musical people while we experience things you’ve known since you were 3.