11 Responses to “5 Non-Super Powers I Wish I Had”

  1. Jesse 28 August 2008 at 11:04 am #

    If you want something awesome, go to iTunes and search for: “The Secret World Chronicle”

    It is the most amazing super hero peice of media experience I have ever known.

  2. Nicole Wilson 28 August 2008 at 12:02 pm #

    Wow, that #1 is so true!! You and I definitely got dad’s blood. Brian . . . you are the one who woke me up to this crazy way of life, I was riding with you in Indy one time, and you swerved in and around everybody, and that day, that fateful day, i realized that sitting in one lane dutifully going along with everyone else was not the only way, thanks to you, I never get passed on the interstate, and by golly, I get to work 15 minutes sooner than the person I just zipped by, (well, it feels like it’s that much faster, when in reality it’s probably like 2).

    When I come up behind somebody in the fast lane, I feel this crazy anger – how could they be sooo crazy and rude as to make me push on my brake and turn off my glorious cruise control.

    And I sure can’t let anybody pass me, boy I hate that feeling. Being on the intersate is like a race to me, and I hate to let anyone else come in 1st.

    Anyways, I loved this post, thanks for the good laugh on yet another boring day. :)

  3. Chris 28 August 2008 at 2:58 pm #

    I had horrible problems with #5 until I started working at an 80+ person company. Now, as long as I can say the persons name while I shake their hand, I’m usually ok.

    #4… The only workaround I know is weight watchers. If you know exactly how much you need to eat, and just stop when you eat that much, you’re good. Otherwise, how do you know you’re done???

    #3 It helps if you just don’t know who any of those people are…

    #2 :/ I wondered why you never read any of those books I give you…

    #1 Sometimes I drive 5 to 10 mph BELOW the speed limit and don’t even care. I chalk it up to contentment. Usually I do it when Julie is in the car. Why drive faster when I’m already where I want to be? However, to and from work is a different matter entirely…

    My list would go:

    5. The ability to do a round-off followed by 3 back hand-springs and topped off with a triple back flip with a twist so I land facing the way I started running.

    4. The ability to drink more than one beer an hour without feeling completely drunk, and talking too much (why beer + men’s group doesn’t mix well for me).

    3. The ability to see random pieces of clothing and construct a cool outfit and be confident it looked good.

    2. The ability to know when shows are on and what channel. I swear, I can’t for the life of me keep track of this. I’m always like, “Hey hon, what channel is Lost on? Is that tonight? Well, what channel is that, I don’t know what ABC is? Oh, it’s not on for another two hours? No, I don’t know why I’m not watching CBS right now, is there a good show on or something? Well, what channel is CBS?” There’s only like 4 channels, why can’t I figure this out? Probably a major reason we don’t have cable…

    1. The ability to eat dinner later than 6pm (at the absolute latest). It makes it really hard to have dinner with people when, by 6pm you are ravenously hungry to the point where you will get a headache and be grumpy if you don’t eat. Heck, I’m already starving right now and it’s only 2:51 PM…

  4. The Gimcracker 28 August 2008 at 3:24 pm #

    Nicole, I’m glad I could corrupt you. That’s what big brothers are for.

    Chris, you and I are exact opposites. For instance, your number 4 power is not even desirable to me. In fact I recall many times I’ve said I wish my tolerance wasn’t so high. That way I could get “warm” for cheaper. Warm meaning feeling good. Feeling good meaning losing some inhibitions. We’ll leave it at that.

    Number 3 I have because I worked The Gap and Nordstrom for so many years.

    Number 2 – easy workaround: digital cable. You’ll never have to ask those questions again. Bonus: DVR.

    Number 1 is no problem. Just eat two dinners. Ever heard of fourthmeal?

  5. Clara 2 September 2008 at 10:29 am #

    Wow…I didn’t know the online E! existed until you mentioned it. Thanks for the idea. (Dangit)

    I have about 5 books that I’ve never finished. I don’t know why I can’t. Josh gets mad because when we’re looking to rent a movie, I only look at the pictures on the back and never actually read what it says.

    It also sucks because Josh and I have gotten in the habit of reading a tiny bit before bed together, and then I go to sleep. So now any time I try to read a book during the day, I get super sleepy after 2 minutes.

    About the eating less thing and cutting back on cream in coffee…I’m soo dumb. I just bought 1/2 and 1/2 from the store to put in my coffee, but then bought skim milk for my cereal and stuff. That makes a lot of sense. I’m glad I can run, too, because I’ll seriously run faster one day if I know I’ll have a huge meal that night.

    If only…

  6. Arthur 3 September 2008 at 10:07 am #

    Nice list, however my number one might just cover all of your top five: The power (or discipline) to change something in my life, just because I want to. As in, I really want to exercise, but won’t do it unless I’m forced to. There are about a million little things I’d like to change, that should be easy, but I’m just lazy or something. There’s my number 1.

  7. Paul 19 September 2008 at 8:21 am #

    Most of those are on my list too. I also have:
    #6 The ability to think of a witty retort straight away instead of later that evening in the bath.
    Workaround – Think of half a dozen responses that cover most situations. My favorite is borrowed from Churchill: I may be fat/bald/stupid but I can diet/buy a wig/study while you will always be an asshole.
    #7 The ability to laugh unexpectedly without ejecting a small blob of snot from my nose. The probability of this happening is directly proportional to the attractiveness of the lady I’m speaking to at the time.
    Workaround – I carry a handkerchief and blow my nose every thirty seconds. This removes the problem with the snot and the odds of being in close proximity to an attractive lady.
    #8 The ability to not apologize profusely when bumping into a smaller male. This really annoys me because I’m a big fella and can walk over most people. I was just raised in a time when manners where seen as important. I try to remain cold and impassive but a “sorry” always escapes my lips.
    Workaround – Can’t think of one at the moment, sorry … dang!

  8. The Gimcracker 19 September 2008 at 8:30 am #

    #6 – reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where George drives all the way to Ohio to give the “jerk store” retort.

    #7 – it ONLY happens when talking to an attractive woman. this one deserves a graph of “likelihood of snot versus attractiveness of woman”

    #8 – wouldn’t know. i guess i just took my regular size for granted.

    good additions – thanks.

  9. Paul 19 September 2008 at 8:51 am #

    Your #4 actually caused a #7 when I first read it.

  10. The Gimcracker 19 September 2008 at 8:52 am #

    there must’ve been an attractive woman nearby. maybe in the next room.

  11. Paul 19 September 2008 at 9:09 am #

    You’re right – there is! Although I imagine the probability drops sharply if she can’t see the snot.

    Clearly this subject needs lengthy study, preferably with government funding. I look forward to interviewing a large sample of attractive ladies (for the sake of science, you understand).

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