The Gimcrack Miscellany

Look Very Closely: Belichick Actually Resembles Some Infamous Villains

Posted on 04. Dec, 2007 by The Gimcracker in LOLheads, Movies, Sports

After fumbling through archives of old Bill Belichick photos, I’ve stumbled upon some shots that I’ve never noticed before. If you look closely, you can see that Belichick resembles some of the more infamous antagonists of our time. I just can’t believe I never noticed it before.

Emperor Belpatine

Wrapped in his trademark “goodie” hoodie, Emperor Belpatine (also referred to as Billpatine) is anything but good. And we know it. And he knows it. This was shot sometime in October of 2004, possibly at Buffalo – no one’s completely sure. The light conditions, as well as Bill’s evil swagger, cause him to almost identically resemble Emperor Palpatine from the popular Star Wars franchise.

Biff “Bill” Tannen

I was lucky enough to find two photos from the same game, both of which strangely portray Biff Tannen from Back to the Future. Uncanny. The image on the right must’ve been taken just after the game began, as he had not yet ripped the arms off his hoodie with an old cleat that is rumored to have belonged to Drew Bledsoe, which he keeps in his rear left pocket. Not Bledsoe, the cleat.

Agent Smithichick

This photo wasn’t as obscure as the rest, but no one seems to have noticed the weirdness of it like I have. Look! You can clearly see a resemblance to Agent Smith of The Matrix! I’m telling you, the Colts are going to wind up playing against a bunch of exiled computer programs instead of football players if no one puts a stop to this. Who knows how many more of him there are?

Souper Bowl Nazi

He thinks no one can see under his hoodie. Well I can see him. Come on Bill, it’s not a magical elven hood – it’s a grease stained, smelly, frayed, worn out, cut-off Patriots sweatshirt from 1997 with daisy-duke sleeves. This must’ve been taken just as New England won their third Super Bowl in four years, because it’s the only time in history the Souper Bowl Nazi would throw his arms up in joy instead of anger. Wait, that actually still looks like anger. Apparently they didn’t run up the score enough.

Hoodienator

Sometime early in the playoffs of the 2005 season a cooler of Gatorade was dumped on top of Bill’s head. Some of his skin melted off and his hoodie evaporated, revealing his true form. He quickly put on his Motorola headset which has a secret compartment that sprays faux skin back onto his face. No one was the wiser. I believe the NFL rulebook clearly states the use of such secret compartments on the field are illegal. You are allowed to use them in designated areas around the stadium, just not on the field (See New England President & CEO Robert Kraft). That obviously doesn’t stop the Hoodienator.

Newenglandman

Back in 2005, Belichick had to put his glasses on for a moment to read an acceptance speech for receiving an award. I was able to snap a quick picture, and after processing it in my homemade darkroom I noticed it resembled someone familiar… Newman! This is such a rare occurance because Bill usually wears contacts, but he must’ve forgotten to put them in that particular morning. Since the award was presented in Foxborough, everyone was too busy prostrating his eminence to notice. Everyone except me.

Hannibill Lectichick

I figured it out. His headset usually hides his mask. It’s a wonder I even noticed this one.

Gunnery Sergeant “Belichick” Hartman

Oh my goodness this one’s freaky. Look what happens when he doesn’t wear his “goodie” hoodie. It’s the crazy drill instructor from Full Metal Jacket! I try not to remember too much from that movie, but if Gunnery Sergeant “Belichick” Hartman treats his “troops” at all like the real Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, I can see why everyone’s so afraid of him. I’m sure he really works them on the field. By “works” I mean “touches” and by “field” I mean “secret place”.

Beagol

This is my favorite resemblance. When Beagol goes to shake hands with the opposing coach after the game, with the right conditions, he resembles Smeagol (Gollum) from Lord of the Rings. We usually don’t see it because he always dons a mask that looks like the traditional Bill we’re used to, which he wears on the other side of his face. The only way you can get this shot is from just over his right shoulder, while he’s temporarily not wearing his “goodie” hoodie or his headset, as his body is swiveling away from the other coach at a 30 degree angle, while he’s facing south so the combination of the stadium lights and the simultaneous setting of the sun and rising of a Harvest Moon hit him at the same time. This is truly a once in a lifetime shot. If you were actually there taking the picture, you would’ve heard him say “Keep nasty taters, Beagol likes them raw and wwwwwrrrrrrigling!” I don’t know what that means, but I heard it I tell you.

Edit: There’s been a little confusion as to where these photos originated. They came from the photo editor on my PC because I’m the one that made them.