The Gimcrack Miscellany

LOLheads – The Bill Belimatti

Posted on 09. Jan, 2008 by The Gimcracker in LOLheads

This just in! My crack team of LOLhead photographers has captured some new images of Mr. Belichick like you’ve never seen him before!

I don’t know how it’s happening, but Bill Belichick is turning into Paul Giamatti – that guy who plays the maintenance man in Lady in the Water. See for yourself:

Here he is seen just after his team blew a 79 point lead to only win by 72. Prior to the game, he promised “a win by a margin of exactly 79 points, no more, no less.” No wonder he looks so upset. And winning by 79 points should be easy for a Patriots team playing against the sorry teams in their conference this year.

Failing to rip the sleeves off his hoodie a la Hulk Hogan style as he is accustomed to doing caused Belichick to plummet into an unprecedented rage. The new hoodies are “daisy-duke sleeves” resistant, Bill – it’s for your own protection. The league is trying to battle the whole trailer trash thing, so they came out with the next line of extra-strong-sleeved hoodies. Moments after this photo was taken (by one of my best senior photographers, Jarvis McMasterson-Lightfoot, I might add) Belichick was heard mumbling to himself, “shoulda stuck with ol’ graybeard”. I’m guessing he was referring to his classic gray colored hoodie where the sleeves are nowhere to be found.

I call this photo “Source of Power”, but it’s also been referred to as “The New England Eyebrow”, “Hoodie Surprise”, “Lord of the Rings-Around-the-Neck Busted Old Hoodie-Fabric”, “I’m gonna get you sucka”, and “The Boston Tea Party of 1773″. I’m not quite sure where that last one came from, but it works. You see, this is a truly rare photo, the publishing of which has been heavily persecuted by most of the Greater New England area. It displays a sight to behold: Mr. Belichick’s true source of power. You can clearly see how The Hoodie slowly creeps up his neck as he becomes more giddy with power. It usually hides in and around his chest hair or under his gut, and usually when it ascends it his hidden by his false outer hoodie. But sometimes, when the moment is right, and he has chosen to prance around in naught but a plain polo shirt, he can no longer hide It.

Three Hoodies for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Foxborough where the Shadows lie.
One Hoodie to rule them all, One Hoodie to find them,
One Hoodie to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Foxborough where the Shadows lie.