I have been watching the NBA Playoffs this year. I don’t know why I have. I just have. They have been showing these commercials to promote the playoffs entitled “Where Will Amazing Happen This Year?” I guess it’s a continuation of last year’s “Where Amazing Happens” campaign. I really like these commercials because they make basketball seem good again even though it’s not good. It’s not good at all. But when you put it in black & white and add poignant piano music, it becomes epic.
Watch all of these videos. They get really good towards the bottom. Hint hint. What I mean by hint hint is that is they get funny. You gotta be kidding me that I have to spell things out like that.
Note the blatant travel right before the shot and the really bad high five at the end. If I was the official I don’t know which one I’d call. Ahhhh… Chinamen.
Look how completely wide open Walton (#4) is after he sets his illegal moving pick. Yet Kobe takes the shot, despite being defended by two people. If he would’ve missed I would’ve been pissed if I was Walton.
The only guy to smile after he does something amazing. Everyone else gets all serious and angry at their amazing play, but Carmelo must be just having a good old time when he’s out there. Notice how a butt takes up 90% of the picture at the end.
See if you can spot the bald Bill Cosby in the stands after the dunk. Also of note: Tayshon Prince is a bitch.
There are no snide remarks I can make here. LeBron James is by far the best player in the NBA right now, and he is probably the funnest person to watch (although my money’s on Brian Scalabrine for a 1-on-1 matchup against any player). Fine – you want a cynical remark for this video? OK, watch Paul Pierce wince and contort his face like a baby as he rolls off the pick. I already know what kind of person Paul Pierce is in real life based solely on this video.
Only Teen Wolf could jump facing the basket, begin descending from his jump, and then suddenly be at the rim doing a backwards two-handed dunk. Only that Teen Wolf.
Brian Scalabrine Wanna-be
Any white guy who wears a headband and plays basketball will henceforth be referred to as Brian Scalabrine.
Sasha Vujacic (prounounced “voo-ya-chick” FYI)
If you want an example of how not to play defense, watch the following instructional video courtesy of Sasha Vooyabitch. Who is the person that tried to comfort him on the bench? Probably his mom or his grandma or his nanny or his wet nurse. Too far.
Eddie House Gets Slapped
This just happened like two days ago. The Celtics were winning by 20 and Eddie House is like “not enough, I’m going to make it 23″ and busts a three in Rafer Alston’s face. What is the logical next step if you’re Rafer Alston? Try to mount a comeback? Not let it bother you? Remember it’s just a game? NOT IF YOU’RE A REAL MAN. Open-hand bitch slap the guy who just hit the shot. That way you don’t get ejected since it’s not technically a “punch”, and a bonus is you knock the guy’s headband lose so maybe it will fall in his eyes the next time he attempts to make a fool out of you. DO NOT mess with Rafer Alston.
Kevin McHale – Best One Ever
I could go on and on about this one, but it speaks for itself. (The previous videos did not speak for themselves and I had to spell everything out for you so you would get the jokes and observations which you might not have otherwise gotten)
Celtics vs. Magic tonight at 7PM and Lakers vs. Rockets at 9PM, both on ESPN. More amazing stuff like this will probably happen, so you should watch them and become a part of the casual NBA playoff watching club.