Most People Like Terrible Movies

Posted by The Gimcracker in Movies, Seriously?! on 11. Aug, 2009 | 3 Comments

Seriously, moviegoers?! You liked Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen?

There are two explanations for the way I feel about the downward-sloping overall quality of movies over the past few years. 1) I am getting older and my taste has become more refined, or 2) greed has ruined the movie industry by encouraging quantity over quality. Seeing as how my favorite cuisine is Taco Bell, I own a Nick Lachey album, and prefer Miller Lite when it comes to beers, the first explanation has to be impossible.

So, it’s greed. Greedy movie studio executives (is that redundant?) are buying up film rights to old cartoon franchises faster than Grand Theft Auto fanboys were buying San Andreas before it was pulled from the shelves in 2005. However, placing the blame for terrible movies on film execs is like blaming GM for the decline of domestic automobiles. Film execs represent a corporation, which exists solely to make money. They will do whatever they can get away with to cause consumers (which in the case of GM includes the government) to spend money on their product. While it is because of filmmakers that films are terrible, it is not their fault. The blame should be placed on the American consumer. You. It is your fault.

How Twilight Should Have Ended

Posted by The Gimcracker in Movies on 22. Jul, 2009 | 2 Comments

I know a girl who is probably going to read this and probably going to get upset with me because she is probably the #1 fan of Twilight ever. You know who you are. Look on the bright side, you got mentioned on TGM! You are now in the company of Katy Perry, Micheal Bay, Bill Bellichick, and Twitter. Except the difference is I hate all of them and I love you like a sister. Man, all I had to do was come up with this simple simple simple idea and I could have been on the front page of Digg today:

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – BERATED!

Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 26. Jun, 2009 | 11 Comments

Michael Bay is a 15 year old boy trapped in a man’s body (and in the ’90s). He gets older, his movies stay the same age. I don’t know why I keep seeing his movies. I guess it is because when I was 15 I saw The Rock and it rocked (sorry) my 15-year-old little brain that desired nothing but violence/sex/wreckage/fast cars and had no time for character development, real-life situations, or dialogue. At the risk of sounding pretentious, Revenge of the Fallen is for one of two groups: A) 15 year old boys (or anyone with the mental capacity of a 15 year old boy), and B) people who are willing to forgo their dignity to publicly oggle over Megan Fox and Isabel Lucas for 2 hours (actually this is just another way of describing group A).

If you refer to the image I have conveniently included above, you will see a snapshot of exactly what this movie is: Shia is intense and scared, Megan is slightly less intense and scared and her breasts are half exposed, and they are surrounded by wreckage and GM cars. If that is what you want out of life then GO SEE THIS MOVIE RIGHT NOW WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! Also when you’re done seeing Transformers rent the movie Idiocracy and tell me if you “get it” or not. You won’t.

Martin Scorcese’s New Movie Is Called “Shutter Island”

Posted by The Gimcracker in Movies, News on 11. Jun, 2009 | 2 Comments

This is the first I’ve heard of his new movie (trailer after the jump). You probably know all about it and I’m way behind the times and all of that, but I still wanted to bring attention to it. Let’s talk about a few things. First things first, it looks really good. Secondly, it’s a horror film. By Martin Scorcese. That’s like Taco Bell coming out with a hamburger meal (who cares if it’s good, you have to try it!). Third, it’s Leo Decaprio again. I’m a fan of his especially after his performance in The Departed. Speaking of The Departed, that brings me to my final point: he has a Boston accent AGAIN. What’s with him having accents in all his movies nowadays?

“The Hangover” Will Be Amazing

Posted by The Gimcracker in Movies on 20. May, 2009 | No Comments

The Hangover is going to be the funniest movie to come out in at least 6 years. What is the last movie where you laughed so hard no noise came out? The answer is Old School where dude gets a dart in the neck. That is also one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. If you disagree then you should stop reading and go watch Dodgeball which is your favorite movie.

Sherlock Holmes Trailer

Posted by The Gimcracker in Movies on 19. May, 2009 | 3 Comments

This is a movie coming out called Sherlock Holmes starring Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock Holmes. Can I get enough Robert Downey Jr.? The answer is no. No is the answer to that question. Also of note: Jude Law as Watson, Rachel McAdams as some broad, and directed by Guy “Snatch” Richie. Great combo!!! The only thing that could make this better would be if the actors ate volcano tacos from Taco Bell many times throughout the movie.

And to answer your question of whether or not there are super-slow motion scenes of men punching each other: yes there are. Video after the jump.

The World’s Perception Of Evil Is Mostly Wrong

Posted by The Gimcracker in Movies, Theory & Philosophy on 14. Apr, 2009 | 3 Comments

Take this Antichrist trailer for instance. Watch The Exorcist or any other horror movie about “evil”. That’s what people think evil is. They think it’s blatant, violent, frightening imagery and that demons are ugly, ferocious beasts that make you want to flee. The stereotypes of hell and evil and the devil are a tad askew.

Moon Trailer

Posted by The Gimcracker in Movies on 13. Apr, 2009 | 1 Comment

I have always liked Sam Rockwell. He was good in The Green Mile, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, and Matchstick Men. Apparently he is going to play Justin Hammer in Iron Man II. But what I want to focus on now is this trailer for this movie with this guy and this demented computer about the Moon, called Moon. Looks like another movie with my favorite kind of storytelling.

Soundtrack To Get You Going At Work

Posted by The Gimcracker in Movies, Music on 05. Jan, 2009 | 8 Comments

I need to be inspired to be productive. There is no intrinsic desire within me to work, trust me. There are lots of things that can inspire me to work, most of them having to do with music. We all have playlists of our favorite songs to get us motivated to work, hype us up for sports, or prepare us to party on a Friday night.

There are a lot of good songs out there to listen to for any number of reasons. But there is nothing like a good film score to motivate you. I’ve got plenty of soundtracks queued up in iTunes for just such occasions, and I tap my film score playlist up to 2-3 times per week.

5 Annoying Comedy Character Clichés

Posted by The Gimcracker in Movies, Top Fivers on 19. Sep, 2008 | 21 Comments

There’s nothing worse than a cliché. They were obviously invented for a good reason. Sometimes you don’t feel like explaining something the old-fashioned way, such as using logic and meaningful words, so it’s easier to just use a cliché.

The problem is people use clichés much too frequently, causing them to A) lose their poignancy and B) get really annoying. Even the word cliché has become a cliché, which has caused a recursive lapse in the time-space continuum – similar to what would happen if you were to make two mirrors reflect each other. Thank goodness no one has ever tried that.

Even more annoying than clichéd words and phrases are film elements, such as plot lines, endings, actors, and characters. Today we will focus on the latter.

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