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Archive for the ‘LOLheads’ Category

LOLheads - The Bilger Woodichick

Posted by The Gimcracker on April 16, 2008
Posted under LOLheads, gimcrackery, rofl, sports

Our LOLheads department snapped this doozy of Tiger Woods after he placed second in the Masters a few days ago. We detected strong levels of simultaneous smugness and self-loathing emanating from his curiously dark Asian forearms, and when we looked up we saw a face to match it. He resembled one of the greatest smug-and-self-loathing-at-the-same-time men in history: Bill Belichick.

It appeared that the tables had turned. Instead of The Villain resembling a villain, this time we caught a glimpse of a villain resembling The Villian. We know it’s confusing, but that’s why we document these things very carefully and archive them forever here at The Gimcrack Miscellany.

* Please note that we don’t view Tiger Woods as a villain, he is a great golfer and human being probably. We sacrificed what we believe for a funny sentence structure. And we’d do it again in a heartbeat.


LOLheads - The Bill Belimatti

Posted by The Gimcracker on January 9, 2008
Posted under LOLheads, gimcrackery, rofl

This just in! My crack team of LOLhead photographers has captured some new images of Mr. Belichick like you’ve never seen him before!

I don’t know how it’s happening, but Bill Belichick is turning into Paul Giamatti - that guy who plays the maintenance man in Lady in the Water. See for yourself:


Here he is seen just after his team blew a 79 point lead to only win by 72. Prior to the game, he promised “a win by a margin of exactly 79 points, no more, no less.” No wonder he looks so upset. And winning by 79 points should be easy for a Patriots team playing against the sorry teams in their conference this year.


Failing to rip the sleeves off his hoodie a la Hulk Hogan style as he is accustomed to doing caused Belichick to plummet into an unprecedented rage. The new hoodies are “daisy-duke sleeves” resistant, Bill - it’s for your own protection. The league is trying to battle the whole trailer trash thing, so they came out with the next line of extra-strong-sleeved hoodies. Moments after this photo was taken (by one of my best senior photographers, Jarvis McMasterson-Lightfoot, I might add) Belichick was heard mumbling to himself, “shoulda stuck with ol’ graybeard”. I’m guessing he was referring to his classic gray colored hoodie where the sleeves are nowhere to be found.


I call this photo “Source of Power”, but it’s also been referred to as “The New England Eyebrow”, “Hoodie Surprise”, “Lord of the Rings-Around-the-Neck Busted Old Hoodie-Fabric”, “I’m gonna get you sucka”, and “The Boston Tea Party of 1773″. I’m not quite sure where that last one came from, but it works. You see, this is a truly rare photo, the publishing of which has been heavily persecuted by most of the Greater New England area. It displays a sight to behold: Mr. Belichick’s true source of power. You can clearly see how The Hoodie slowly creeps up his neck as he becomes more giddy with power. It usually hides in and around his chest hair or under his gut, and usually when it ascends it his hidden by his false outer hoodie. But sometimes, when the moment is right, and he has chosen to prance around in naught but a plain polo shirt, he can no longer hide It.

Three Hoodies for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Foxborough where the Shadows lie.
One Hoodie to rule them all, One Hoodie to find them,
One Hoodie to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Foxborough where the Shadows lie.

LOLheads - Requested

Posted by The Gimcracker on December 19, 2007
Posted under LOLheads, gimcrackery, rofl, sports

The request line has been ringing off the hook. My staff has been working after hours to grab as many shots as possible, scouring archives and taking to the streets looking for Belichick appearances. Here are the best two shots they could come up with that matched the requests for Gargamel and General Kael.

The Gargabill

gargamel belichick

The General Kaelichick

general kael belichick

There is really no explanation for these physical anomalies.

LOLheads - The Belichick Seymour Hoffman

Posted by The Gimcracker on December 13, 2007
Posted under LOLheads, gimcrackery, rofl, sports

Photos of Bill Belichick resembling infamous villains are completely flooding my inbox. It’s amazing just how many faces he really has. You know who else puts on a multitude of faces in order to “trick” his prey? The Devil, that’s who. Don’t try to argue with me, it’s science.

I had to hire a small crew to help me organize all these photos we’re uncovering. I just added 3 more photographers to my team of scouts who are out there snapping these amazingly rare photos of Belichick. This week he seems to be resembling the infamous Philip Seymour Hoffman. I don’t know exactly why, but here are some possibly relevant facts I’ve come up with:

Some people are not fans at all of Hoffman, but some people love him.
He was in Mission Impossible 3 as a villain.
He was in Along Came Polly attempting to play the part of Jesus in the play.
He was in Cold Mountain supporting fornication, thievery, rape, and murder.

You know who you could use these same characteristics to describe? The Devil. (Although it’s a different actor in MI3 that I’m referring to…)

So, based on these facts and similarities, maybe that’s why he chose to make his current host body, Bill Belichick, resemble Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Read the rest of this entry »

LOLheads - The Scut Farkus Belichick

Posted by The Gimcracker on December 7, 2007
Posted under LOLheads, blogging, gimcrackery, rofl

What is it with me and blog series? I’ve horribly neglected my Berating system and I haven’t been feeding my TopFivers. I promise I’ll do better. Maybe soon I’ll come out with a Berating for Ratatooine.

In spite of my better judgments I’m opening up a new series entitled LOLheads. I have no idea what it will expand to, but it has already begun with some extremely rare photos of Bill Belichik’s head. There’s one more image of Belichick that I forgot to add, so here it is:

The Scut Farkus Belichick LOLhead

scut farkus

That’s right, in 2007, after the Patriots ran up the score against the Skins 52-7, Bill Belichick was seen snickering to himself and trying to hide it as he shook the hand of Joe Gibbs after the game. He looked like such a childish unsportsmanlike brat that I swear he resembled that bully from A Christmas Story named Scut Farkus. Man I wish little Ralphie Parker would run on the field and beat him up while crying and cursing.

Stay tuned for more extremely rare and candid photos of celebrities snapped just at the right time: when they resemble another celebrity with a funny looking head. (I hate to break character, but yes - I made all of these with mine own fair-handed creativity using Macromedia Fireworks).