Posted on 11. Dec, 2008 by The Gimcracker in Manliness
A friend of mine just posted over at Genesis about some manly man things to put on your Christmas list. It got me thinking: what is it that divides regular men from manly men?
Well, Hollywood would have us believe it’s having a lot of money and girlfriends. TV paints a picture of a manly man sitting on his barcalounger drinking manly beer and watching sports. Some would go so far as to say a man is not manly at all unless he is a coal miner, lumberjack, or biker, who eats huge fattening fast food sandwiches.
You’re doing it wrong.
There is one product out there that will guarantee you manliness. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. It’s called Old Spice Swagger, and it really does make you into a man. I’m not going to sit here and try to sell it to you. Just go out and buy a stick, use it, and reap the benefits. It is the most manly thing ever invented.
They have somehow figured out the formula of “swagger”. I don’t know how they did it, but I’m not lying to you that Old Spice Swagger actually boosts your manliness. I’m naturally about 87% manly. I would be 100% except that I was docked a few points because I enjoy an occasional Smirnoff Ice and at one point in my life I owned a turtleneck sweater.
Old Spice Swagger fixed all that. It put me right at about 98% manly, which is precisely where I want to be.
girly |———————————————-me—| manly
Now, you’re probably thinking I’m just writing this post to be funny, especially since my posts have been less frequent of late. That is usually the case. But not this time.
Look, I know you still aren’t sold. That’s OK. Don’t buy it. Just walk by the deodorant section next time you’re picking up tampons for your wife at Target and simply take a whiff of a stick of Swagger. You will instantly drop the the feminine products you were carrying and re-evaluate your life.
I can see that you don’t think sampling it is even worth your time. Fine. Here’s all you have to do. Don’t even go to Target, just find someone on the street who uses Swagger and wait for their scent to waft your direction. You will instantly be transformed into a more manly person just for having been in the presence of someone wearing it.
You’re saying that doesn’t make sense. Doesn’t it? Answer me this: what happens when you’re walking down the street and smell some barbeque. You desire to eat barbeque, and you just can’t help the desire. Well think about what would happen if you were walking down the street and you smelled the musk of a real manly man. You would naturally desire to become more manly. It’s science.
If you still don’t believe me, take it from these celebrity endorsements who got paid loads of money to be in these commercials: