Black Friday Watch: SNL Black Friday Sketch

Posted by The Gimcracker in Black Friday Watch on 22. Nov, 2010 | No Comments

It’s weird how so many of us get that Black Friday is terrible and evil. I think almost every single person gets it. Yet people will continue to be trampled this year. Such a weird, weird world we live in. SNL gets it:

UPDATE: Teen Paranormal Romance Is Ruining Classic Novels

Posted by The Gimcracker in Gimcrackery on 18. Nov, 2010 | 6 Comments

Check it out, Pride & Prejudice has been re-released with the cliched “object against black background” cover and Twilight-esque title font. This will probably make some famous people who did some great things somewhere roll over in their graves, but I’m actually grateful for the direction these book covers are taking. Now it’s easier for me to spot the books I don’t want to read. It has become a two-step thought process when browsing the book store: 1) Is it in the Teen Paranormal Romance section? 2) Does the cover look like Twilight? If no to both, and if I actually read books*, I would consider the book.

The “Teen Paranormal Romance” Genre at Barnes & Noble

Posted by The Gimcracker in Movies on 17. Nov, 2010 | 3 Comments

Thanks, Twilight. Thanks for being the reason there is now a section in bookstores purely devoted to Teen Paranormal Romance. I’m serious, I saw it last week when I was at Barnes & Noble. I thought the first Twilight movie was enjoyable, just like I enjoy the first steak I eat at dinner. Thanks, I’m full, and I enjoyed becoming full. What’s that? No, I don’t want to eat 3 more steaks exactly the same size, shape, and taste as the first one I ate. Likewise, I don’t want to watch several subsequent movies that are literally the exact same recipe as Twilight, designed solely to make movie studio execs’ wallets even fatter. It was bad enough that there was more than one Twilight movie (none of which were as good as the first one), but now we have Teen Paranormal Romance. So, I was not the least bit surprised when I saw the following movie trailer. It’s based on an old fairy tale, but it’s clearly 1% old fairy tale and 99% Teen Paranormal Romance. See for yourself (ugh):

Black Friday Watch: Best Buy Is Stupid

Posted by The Gimcracker in Black Friday Watch, Seriously?! on 17. Nov, 2010 | No Comments

I guess you already know Best Buy is stupid, you don’t need TGM to tell you that. I mean have you ever gone into a Best Buy? It’s a bunch of kids dressed in blue polos who think they’re too good for their customers, but they actually don’t know anything about the products they sell. It’s a big box store. A grocery store for electronics. Yet, why do I always find myself wanting to go there? I can tell you, that desire has been waning of late. Take their latest weekly ad, for example. It’s so blatant an attempt to please everyone, that it pleases no one, and it makes me sick:

Seriously, Cops?!

Posted by The Gimcracker in Seriously?! on 16. Nov, 2010 | No Comments

Think about what’s happening in our country right now. No, not the war, or the oil spill (is that fixed?), or the California missile, or WoW Cataclysm. I’m talking about something much more profoundly dumb than anything that is supposed to be happening in our world. Something that is worse than killing puppies. I’m referring to the fact that there are commercials for wearing your seatbelt. To quote Misters Anheuser and Busch, HERE WE GO:

Black Friday Watch: Hallmark Countdown To Christmas Ornament

Posted by The Gimcracker in Black Friday Watch on 12. Nov, 2010 | 6 Comments

Two weeks ago I was walking through Circle Centre mall in downtown Indy on my way to work and I noticed all the Christmas decorations were already up and I thought yeah, that makes sense, Christmas is only two MONTHS away. Then I realized it was that time of year. The time that makes me sad to be a human. The time when the news reports people being trampled to death to save $20 on a piece of crap DVD player. I think generally speaking any time you have people being trampled to death trying to get out of somewhere, like a burning building or a sinking ship, as morbid as it sounds, that’s acceptable – unfortunate, but acceptable. But anytime you have people being trampled trying to get into somewhere, that is a sign that society has become bored and stupid.

Now, I would never wait in line at 4:30 in the morning in 20 degree weather to save a few bucks on a product that’s going to break in 6 months. However, I do many things to perpetuate this whole Black Friday thing without meaning to. Namely, buying gifts for people at Christmas. I’m not saying I’m going to stop buying things for people, but I think there is something to be said about at least being aware that this is “not what Christmas is for”. In honor of that, I’d like to remind myself first and foremost, and anyone else who happens upon this blog, to do their best to be vigilant during the holiday season. Thus, “Black Friday Watch”. A new blog series in which I’ll point out some of the most ludicrous things I come across on the Internet, on TV, and out there in stores and on billboards*.

To kick off the series, we’ll start off with a little new product for the 2010 holiday season from the “caring” folks at Hallmark:

People Always Get These Two Songs Confused

Posted by The Gimcracker in Music on 03. Nov, 2010 | No Comments

I guarantee you have heard one of these songs and thought it was the other one, and vice versa. Speaking of vice versa, did you know it’s actually pronounced “vice-UH versa”? I didn’t. That’s stupid. It should be vice versa. Dumb Latin. Why is the word “Latino” so close to “Latin”? Why does ancient Greece or whatever come to mind when I think of Latin, but modern day Mexico come to mind when I think of Latino? That little “o” at the end makes all the difference, man. I am ignorant. Duh. Listen to both of these songs and you will realize you thought they were the same song:

Personality Quiz: Which Colts Player Are You?

Posted by The Gimcracker in Personality Quizes, Sports on 27. Oct, 2010 | 15 Comments

Ever wanted to know which Colts player you have the most in common with? Well now’s your chance to find out! This scientifically tested quiz has been proven to render 99.18% accurate results. We spent two months in a windowless, locked laboratory room stocked with coffee and volcano tacos performing heavy market research in order to produce the following 10 simple multiple choice questions, which are designed to help you determine which Colts player you are. You don’t have to be a huge Colts fan like me to take this quiz – it’s for everyone. Leave a comment and tell us which Colts player you most resemble!

Haunted House Review: Indy ScreamPark

Posted by The Gimcracker in Miscellaniac on 11. Oct, 2010 | 17 Comments

Fall is my favorite time of year for so many reasons. One of them is going to haunted houses in October. Why do I like haunted houses so much? You pay $10 to spend 2 minutes in a nasty building where high school kids jump out at you and the walls are smeared with red paint. That shouldn’t be appealing, but for some reason it is. We yearn for that feeling of fright that only the macabre can bring, which is why we love telling scary stories and tales like Sleep Hollow around a brisk fall campfire. Hot apple cider. Scarecrows. Pumpkin patches. Harvest moons. Boom – you are now in autumn mode.

I’ve been to some great haunted houses. The best one I’ve ever been to is the Mysterious Mansion in Gatlinburg TN. It’s a year-round haunted house, which means the fixtures are permanent instead of toted in just for the season. The place is very well thought out and offers some unique and terrifying thrills.

The Mysterious Mansion is indeed one of the best in the country. Now, get ready to read about one of the worst.

Inception Berated, Plus Some Really Bad Movies Berated To Balance It Out

Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 20. Jul, 2010 | 5 Comments

I knew it would be good! I knew it! Some people hated it. However, A lot of other, smarter people raved about it. I for one am raving about it. Here’s the thing, I’m sort of tired of logically defining every aspect of life. What am I, a scientist? Don’t get me wrong, me and logic are like peas and carrots, but peas also have another cooler friend called mashed potatoes, and mashed potatoes represent feelings and emotions. Sometimes I discard logic for feelings, and that’s what I’m doing with Inception.

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