It’s like saying a Volcano Taco and a Gyro are in the same meal together! Only because they’re both really good, not because the food bears any resemblance to the aforementioned actors. Speaking of, that should be Taco Bell’s next promotional item: The Cheesy Gyro Burrito. Back to the topic: I’m really excited to see this new movie these two guys are in. It’s called Due Date and I think it’s about a road trip or something. Watch the trailer:
Hey everyone, remember The Gimcrack Miscellany? It’s my blog. You’re on it now, and you’re reading an article. Remember those days? I can’t quit you, TGM! Good old blogging… it is always there to bring me a hot cup of tea when I’m feeling down, and talk to me while I fall asleep.
I have talked before about how it feels like we live in the future because of all the awesome things we have, no? Maybe that’s one of my 27 drafts that are waiting to be finished. In any case – cell phones, man. How in the heck can we talk to whoever we want with no delay? Also – flat panel TVs, dude. Do you realize we are seeing a crystal clear, insanely bright, fifty-five inch wide, high resolution image on an apparatus that is less than an inch thick? That’s a far cry from the overhead projectors we had in school. Oh and – the Internet. Think about that one. You can carry around a sleek little netbook and have access to EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD from almost ANY PUBLIC PLACE.
I have said that to say this: you’d think that in a world with iPhones, organic LED TVs, and Internet everywhere, everything else would follow suit and get better and faster. You’d be wrong. I’m about to point out something in the following sentences that you’ve never consciously noticed, but has been driving you crazy. Sort of like when someone finally turns off a device that has been making a bunch of background noise all along and you suddenly realize how annoying it was once they turn it off.
There is a link to an amazing article at the end of this blog post. But, before you click the link, you must agree with the following 8 statements. If you do not agree to all of them – ALL OF THEM – you are not allowed to click the link. I will be watching you as you read the statements and analyze them in your head. I have a plugin which notifies me by IP address when someone accesses my blog, lets me actually see back at them using their computer’s web cam, and then lets me disable the link so they can’t click it. I can usually tell by someone’s facial expression if they agree or disagree with a statement that is made. So, unless you A) don’t have a web cam, or B) have a great poker face, this applies to you. Yes, I went to all that work just to disable a link. That’s how important the topic at hand is. So, do you agree or disagree with the following 8 statements?
There are a lot of differences between professional football, basketball, and baseball. We know that football is the best out of the three, and even though basketball sucks, there is no question that it is a distant runner up. That leaves baseball as the odd man out. I have been pondering why baseball sucks so bad. Just look at the outfield stands during baseball home run highlights. I challenge you to find a clip where the stands are actually full. Usually, there aren’t even any fans in those stands. In fact, take a look at the following informative maps which show the distribution of baseball, basketball, and football fans in America:
Remember when I posted an article entitled The Guatemala Sinkhole? Well that title has now been rendered obsolete. No longer is the word “The” appropriate, as there is now ANOTHER SINKHOLE EXACTLY LIKE IT in the same country! I realize sinkholes happen all the time all over the world, and I’ve seen a lot of them, but none of them have ever looked like the two in Guatemala. My kenophobia has swiftly been renewed. Look at how similar the most recent sinkhole is to the one from back in 2008:
Once upon a time there was a strange and mysterious trailer for an unknown film called The Matrix. Upon seeing this trailer, something inside me told me it was going to be huge. I would say to people “I can’t wait to see The Matrix! Have you seen the trailer yet?” and no one would know what I was talking about. Then it came out and it turned out I was right and that it was huge. A few years later I saw a preview for a little show called The Office, and the same thing happened again. No one knew what it was or seemed to care, but for some reason I had a feeling about it. Well today I’m officially calling Inception. We’ll see if I’m right, come July 16th. Here is the trailer. Wow.
Yesterday I was watching the boob tube and a Volkswagen commercial came on. At the end of the commercial I suddenly got the urge to blog, which hasn’t happened in a LONG time. I wondered about the connection but then my program came back on (Food Tech on History channel, if you must know) and I settled back into my catatonic TV-watching state (I call it “boob-tubing”). Then the same commercial came back on later in the program and I paid specific attention to the Volkswagen logo at the end. It was then that I realized why I got the urge to blog: the new Volkswagen logo totally looks like the Wordpress logo. See for yourself:
Scorsese does it again. While Shutter Island is not about the mob or gangs or Italy or wiseguys or illegal drugs, it still has that Scorsese feel. There are a few common elements carried over from his previous film The Departed, such as Boston accents and Leonardo DiCaprio, but that is where the similarities end. There are only about 10 “f-bombs”, in contrast to the 100+ in his other films. There are 2 violent/bloody scenes, in contrast to the usual 10+ in his other films. An finally, there are 0 crazy, old, tough-guy actors (Robert Deniros, Joe Pescis, and Jack Nicolsons), in contrast to 1+ of his other films. The point is that Martin Scorsese has deviated from the type of film genre he usually dabbles in (quite successfully) to venture into the realm of psychological thriller, and he proves that he is quite skilled in it. I’m hoping for a romantic comedy next, followed by a new installment in the college humor Van Wilder series.
There are two levels of Fail. If a fail places in the “miniscule to minor” range, the reaction is always laughter. If the fail falls anywhere above that range, the reaction is always “Oohh!!” – regardless of language spoken. This video proves it. For example, watch the three clips in a row starting at 47 seconds in. The reactions are always “Oohh!!” because the person might be hurt. The very next clip (55 seconds) where the dude falls off the rock in the water merits laughter because he’s obviously not hurt. The only exception to this rule is if a woman is filming the fail, in which case the reaction is a scream.
If some dude was transplanted from 50 years ago to a conversation happening today between two people about a third person, that dude would most likely get the wrong impression about the person being discussed. That’s because words can have different meanings because of variables like A) what time period the word is used, B) the vocal inflection or body language accompanying the words, and C) who the person in question is. For instance, the word “dude” used to probably mean something more specific than it does now. We call everyone a dude, but back then I think it had something to do with a dude ranch or something. I’m not going to look it up, but you get the idea.
Well, today I want to focus in on one of the variables I mentioned, and that is who the person in question is, or more specifically, what gender the person is. This type of thing is discussed ad nauseum in stand-up comic routines about the differences in men and women. So, I decided to make it unique by expressing my ideas not in front of a live studio audience, but via my blog. That makes it different right? No? Well how about this: mine will be way funnier and more true. Actually I probably can’t pull that off. That leaves me only one optoin: embed a Youtube video at the end of the post. Beat that, Jim Gaffagan!
Here is a list of adjectives used to describe people, followed by what that adjective really means. Notice how they unfortunately differ based on whether or not you are talking about a man or a woman: