The Gimcrack Miscellany

Why We Are All Afraid Of Deep Water

Posted by The Gimcracker in Science, Theory & Philosophy on 24. Mar, 2011 | 203918 CommentsWhy+We+Are+All+Afraid+Of+Deep+Water2011-03-24+19%3A45%3A56The+Gimcracker

One of my biggest fears is deep water. I have always wondered why I’m so afraid of it. One time I was jet skiing in the Cayman Islands and I was cruising around within 50 yards of the shore. One of the boat captains had previously explained to me that about 200 yards off shore the depth of the water sharply dropped off from around 40 feet to a mile. A MILE DEEP. That is 5,280 feet, way deeper than 40! I decided to venture out and see what it was like to cross the “threshold” of depth. I revved my trusty Yamaha and went straight out toward the horizon. Suddenly, all around me, the water turned from light blue to black; I had journeyed over the great shelf. I was immediately filled with an ominous fear I had never experienced before (aside from when Taco Bell took the Volcano Taco off their menu). When I scampered back to safety and calmed down, I posed this question to myself: “Why is it that absolutely nothing changed when I crossed the barrier – my jet ski still worked perfectly, I had the same ability to swim, and the waves remained the same – but I was absolutely horror-stricken?” I researched the answer to this question for 3 solid years and have finally figured out the answer. In keeping with the TGM tradition, this is all totally scientific and full of completely accurate science.

Refreshing Band “Mumford & Sons”; Good Music, Great Lyrics

I can’t believe I discovered this band at the Grammys. The Grammys is a 3.5 hour block of egos, actor slash “musicians”, and occasional mainstream country performances. Amiright? Yes, I am right and correct. But something happened two nights ago at the 53rd annual Grammy awards show that knocked me off my condescending elitist horse. I saw a band I’d never heard of before perform a song with such fervor that I was instantly drawn to them. And the song was very, very good. Too good. I thought there was a catch or something. But after two days of pondering, buying their album, and watching Youtube videos of their performances, I’m convinced they’re the real deal.

I oft face a conundrum with music in general, and that is: why do most of the “best” bands have dark & depressing, overly-political, or blatantly atheistic lyrics? There are of course exceptions to this rule, but they are too few and far between. I’m happy to report that Mumford & Sons have narrowed that gap just a little. Here is their refreshing Grammy performance of The Cave to start you off:

Why Do Things Take So Long To Start Up Nowadays?

Hey everyone, remember The Gimcrack Miscellany? It’s my blog. You’re on it now, and you’re reading an article. Remember those days? I can’t quit you, TGM! Good old blogging… it is always there to bring me a hot cup of tea when I’m feeling down, and talk to me while I fall asleep.

I have talked before about how it feels like we live in the future because of all the awesome things we have, no? Maybe that’s one of my 27 drafts that are waiting to be finished. In any case – cell phones, man. How in the heck can we talk to whoever we want with no delay? Also – flat panel TVs, dude. Do you realize we are seeing a crystal clear, insanely bright, fifty-five inch wide, high resolution image on an apparatus that is less than an inch thick? That’s a far cry from the overhead projectors we had in school. Oh and – the Internet. Think about that one. You can carry around a sleek little netbook and have access to EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD from almost ANY PUBLIC PLACE.

I have said that to say this: you’d think that in a world with iPhones, organic LED TVs, and Internet everywhere, everything else would follow suit and get better and faster. You’d be wrong. I’m about to point out something in the following sentences that you’ve never consciously noticed, but has been driving you crazy. Sort of like when someone finally turns off a device that has been making a bunch of background noise all along and you suddenly realize how annoying it was once they turn it off.

NFL vs NBA vs MLB

There are a lot of differences between professional football, basketball, and baseball. We know that football is the best out of the three, and even though basketball sucks, there is no question that it is a distant runner up. That leaves baseball as the odd man out. I have been pondering why baseball sucks so bad. Just look at the outfield stands during baseball home run highlights. I challenge you to find a clip where the stands are actually full. Usually, there aren’t even any fans in those stands. In fact, take a look at the following informative maps which show the distribution of baseball, basketball, and football fans in America:

Mario 3: Things That Only Appear Once

Certain things stand the test of time. To name a few: The Beatles, Seinfeld, original Star Wars, and hhhhwhiskey. The question I want to ask, right here, right now, is hhhhwhy? Why do some things stand the test of time no matter how widespread they become, yet other things get real old, real quick? I think it is because of the quality of the product. The more time, energy, and skill that goes into producing something, the longer it will stick around (duh). But what is a concrete sign that something was made with a higher skill level?

The answer is discretion. Too much of anything is not a good thing, and it usually ends up ruining a product. If you put too much of any one ingredient in a recipe, you ruin the recipe. Refer to the previous examples I gave, and you will see that they definitely follow this important guideline because they have been built with intentional discretion. Everyone loves Newman from Seinfeld, but he actually plays a very minor role. This is because the creators wanted you to get excited when you finally did see him, which made people want to watch the show. In a sense, it makes the show sort of feel fresh and always new.

Most People Like Terrible Movies

Seriously, moviegoers?! You liked Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen?

There are two explanations for the way I feel about the downward-sloping overall quality of movies over the past few years. 1) I am getting older and my taste has become more refined, or 2) greed has ruined the movie industry by encouraging quantity over quality. Seeing as how my favorite cuisine is Taco Bell, I own a Nick Lachey album, and prefer Miller Lite when it comes to beers, the first explanation has to be impossible.

So, it’s greed. Greedy movie studio executives (is that redundant?) are buying up film rights to old cartoon franchises faster than Grand Theft Auto fanboys were buying San Andreas before it was pulled from the shelves in 2005. However, placing the blame for terrible movies on film execs is like blaming GM for the decline of domestic automobiles. Film execs represent a corporation, which exists solely to make money. They will do whatever they can get away with to cause consumers (which in the case of GM includes the government) to spend money on their product. While it is because of filmmakers that films are terrible, it is not their fault. The blame should be placed on the American consumer. You. It is your fault.

Katy Perry Looks Like Zooey Deschanel

Remember that broad who Kissed A Girl? Also remember that girl from The Happening? Well if you haven’t figured it out by now, they look exactly alike. And I’m the first one who pointed it out.

Click this post to play a little game where I’ve included a picture of each person and labeled them A and B. Your job is to figure out which is which. This is a new type of game semantic that I’ve created which you have probably never seen before, so if you get confused just read the comments.

It is sad that this post is the reason my blog has had so many visits over the last year. Whoa whoa, hold on there. I didn’t say I regret writing it.

Recently Added

Where Will Amazing Happen?

Posted by The Gimcracker in Amazing, ROFL, Sports on 08. May, 2009 | 9791 CommentWhere+Will+Amazing+Happen%3F2009-05-08+16%3A10%3A31The+Gimcracker

I have been watching the NBA Playoffs this year. I don’t know why I have. I just have. I really like this year’s commercials because they make basketball seem good again even though it’s not good. It’s not good at all. But when you put it in black & white and add poignant piano music, it becomes epic.

The videos are after the jump. They get really good towards the bottom. Hint hint. What I mean by hint hint is that is they get funny. You gotta be kidding me that I have to spell things out like that.

Why I Don’t Have AT&T UVerse (Yet)

Posted by The Gimcracker in Gimcrackery, Television on 30. Apr, 2009 | 96121 Comments2009-04-30+15%3A40%3A39The+Gimcracker

This post is not anti-AT&T or any other provider. It is simply a factual comparison of prices for various cable/Internet services, which is a pretty hot topic right now. Hotter than your mom.

If You Could Have One Superpower…

Posted by The Gimcracker in Blogging on 29. Apr, 2009 | 95815 CommentsIf+You+Could+Have+One+Superpower...2009-04-29+15%3A59%3A29The+Gimcracker

I just installed a new Wordpress plugin called Intense Debate. Have you ever posted a comment on Digg.com or some place that has a great comment system that lets you reply to peoples’ comments (comment threading) and rate other comments by voting up or down and wished you could have that on your blog? Well now you can with the click of a button, thanks to Intense Debate.

Twitter Can Be Bad For You… Part VI

Posted by The Gimcracker in Twitter Sucks on 23. Apr, 2009 | 9533 CommentsTwitter+Can+Be+Bad+For+You...+Part+VI2009-04-23+19%3A49%3A26The+Gimcracker

By now you know I’m against tweeting on Twitter (I don’t have a problem if you use Twitter to follow interesting/professional/famous peoples’ tweets, though). I have always been adamantly opposed to the shift in our society towards zero privacy, and Twitter is a huge jump towards that end. So, naturally, I’m opposed to the idea of regular people using Twitter to tweet what they’re doing at all times.

I’m Anti-Twitter; Part V

Posted by The Gimcracker in Twitter Sucks on 20. Apr, 2009 | 9492 CommentsI%27m+Anti-Twitter%3B+Part+V2009-04-20+13%3A56%3A47The+Gimcracker

People (Ashton Kutcher) say that Twitter is great because it lets us become the sources and broadcasters of news. Well, who is “us”? If “us” means “regular people”, then my response to that is: we already do! If my regular old next door neighbor Joe wants to be a news broadcaster, no one’s stopping him. All he has to do is go to college and learn how. If he wants to be the source of news, then he can do that too! All he has to do is go out and do something newsworthy like save (or take) someone’s life, crash a car into a gas station, or win a hot dog eating contest. Regular people do that kind of stuff all the time and then other regular people who went to school for journalism report on it.

Twitter Is Still Rahtarded – Part IV

Posted by The Gimcracker in Twitter Sucks on 17. Apr, 2009 | 943No CommentsTwitter+Is+Still+Rahtarded+-+Part+IV2009-04-17+19%3A10%3A01The+Gimcracker

Sadly, most people on Twitter are tweeting because they are narcissistic and think people care about every mundane detail of their lives. To this day I have no idea how so many people became like this.

There is a way to use Twitter legitimately. It’s actually the reason Twitter was built and how it was meant to be used, even if the founders of Twitter don’t know it. It is illustrated in the image after the jump.

OK, Enough With The Roller Derby Stuff

Posted by The Gimcracker in Sports on 16. Apr, 2009 | 94020 Comments2009-04-16+20%3A55%3A59The+Gimcracker

I feel like roller derby thinks it’s going to rise up and become a prominent force in our society much like NFL or McDonalds or Paul Walker (just kidding) and I want to sit roller derby down and say to her “you are tenacious but please – enough already” because seriously IT’S FOR LESBIANS. It’s OK that it’s for lesbians, and I am not bashing lesbians in any way shape or form. But the fact is that if something is targeted to such a small slice of the population, it’s not going to become mainstream enough to have any kind of bearing on our culture.

The World’s Perception Of Evil Is Mostly Wrong

Posted by The Gimcracker in Movies, Theory & Philosophy on 14. Apr, 2009 | 9383 Comments2009-04-14+17%3A41%3A17The+Gimcracker

Take this Antichrist trailer for instance. Watch The Exorcist or any other horror movie about “evil”. That’s what people think evil is. They think it’s blatant, violent, frightening imagery and that demons are ugly, ferocious beasts that make you want to flee. The stereotypes of hell and evil and the devil are a tad askew.

Mythbusters Pancakes A Car

Posted by The Gimcracker in Amazing, Science on 13. Apr, 2009 | 9331 CommentMythbusters+Pancakes+A+Car2009-04-13+19%3A27%3A32The+Gimcracker

Do you sort of watch Mythbusters if you happen to flip to it when there’s not really anything else on and then you keep watching because you enjoy how much the chick looks like the annoying Progressive commercial lady and how sorta cool the stuff they do is sometimes a little bit? If so, you’ll probably have the same initial reaction to this video as I did: “meh, i’ll watch it.” Trust me, after you watch it, your reaction will change a bit: “holy eff i’m bloggin this!” Too bad you don’t have a blog though. And if you Twitter it I will disable your Twitter account because I know how to do that.

Moon Trailer

Posted by The Gimcracker in Movies on 13. Apr, 2009 | 9311 CommentMoon+Trailer2009-04-13+13%3A26%3A43The+Gimcracker

I have always liked Sam Rockwell. He was good in The Green Mile, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, and Matchstick Men. Apparently he is going to play Justin Hammer in Iron Man II. But what I want to focus on now is this trailer for this movie with this guy and this demented computer about the Moon, called Moon. Looks like another movie with my favorite kind of storytelling.

Page 7 of 26« First...«5 678 9 »...Last »

Why We Are All Afraid Of Deep Water

More Featured Posts

Refreshing Band “Mumford & Sons”; Good Music, Great Lyrics

Why Do Things Take So Long To Start Up Nowadays?

NFL vs NBA vs MLB

Mario 3: Things That Only Appear Once

Most People Like Terrible Movies

Katy Perry Looks Like Zooey Deschanel

Recently Added

Where Will Amazing Happen?

Why I Don’t Have AT&T UVerse (Yet)

If You Could Have One Superpower…

Twitter Can Be Bad For You… Part VI

I’m Anti-Twitter; Part V

Twitter Is Still Rahtarded – Part IV

OK, Enough With The Roller Derby Stuff

The World’s Perception Of Evil Is Mostly Wrong

Mythbusters Pancakes A Car

Moon Trailer

Last 10 Posts

Last 10 Comments

Archives

Comment Stats

Categories

Most Viewed

Most Commented

Awards

Photos on flickr