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District 9 – Berated

Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 31. Aug, 2009 | 2 Comments

District 9 is one of those rare gems where the cast is made up of entirely unknowns, directed by an unknown, and set in an unknown place (there’s a city in South Africa with buildings? is South Africa like a country or something? more ignorant questions). That’s why it’s such a good movie. It’s like Star Wars IV or Cloverfield or Napoleon Dynamite. I guess what I’m saying is it can only go down from here. So let’s all enjoy this movie while we still can. Everyone go out and see this movie and support directors that make special effects who are not Micheal Bay. Do it for the children.

Circle Of Life

Posted by The Gimcracker in Stuff On The Internet on 28. Aug, 2009 | No Comments

This is today’s Penny Arcade comic strip. It is probably one of my favorite PA’s of all time. So simple. So Poignant. There should be another panel with Rorschach from Watchmen stalking Batman stalking the Splinter Cell guy stalking the goon, and then even one more panel after that with Chuck Norris stalking Rorschach. Whoa. [...]

Study: 8.7% of Tweets Have Pass-Along Value

Posted by The Gimcracker in Twitter Sucks on 17. Aug, 2009 | 3 Comments

Twitter is a black hole. It is a singularity event. And it has been scientifically proven. I realize the image I made doesn’t make sense because the Twitter bird should be the actual black hole, not being sucked into it. So? Why don’t you go tweet about it.

This study done by Pear Analytics shows that most Twitter Tweets are meaningless and have no pass-along value. In fact, 40.5% of Tweets are classified as “Pointless Babble”, which is what I hate most about Twitter. “I just woke up and it’s raining outside.” Well whoopty-freaking-do. Tweeting something like that means only one of two things (as has been discussed quite frequently at TGM beforelol): 1) you have no real friends to tell, or 2) your ego is so big that you think people actually care.

So how is Twitter a black hole? You’re about to find out.

NFL Theme Songs

Posted by The Gimcracker in Music, Sports on 05. Aug, 2009 | 8 Comments

Thursday, September 10th, at 8:30PM the Titans and Steelers will open the 2009 NFL season. I have embedded a convenient countdown timer for your benefit. Except I couldn’t put in a time so it’s counting down to midnight of September 9th. Close enough.

Around this time every year I usually do a blog post to get us hyped up for football season. For the 2007 season I posted an awesome Nike commercial that gets you hyped up no matter what. For the 2008 season I posted a funny Jim Mora commercial that will make you laugh as well as get you hyped up no matter what. Sometimes I even do it mid-year, like in December 2007 when I hit you with a post with awesome NFL photos which is guaranteed to make you wish you played in the NFL and also get you hyped up no matter what.

This year I have been inspired by the sound of music. I have obtained samples of all the various NFL themes. You will be surprised at how many of these you know, and how you didn’t realize they were actually different songs. Even if you’re a girl, or are not a football fan, or both, I guarantee you will recognize 90% of these themes. You won’t know how, but you’ll recognize them, I promise.

How Twilight Should Have Ended

Posted by The Gimcracker in Movies on 22. Jul, 2009 | 2 Comments

I know a girl who is probably going to read this and probably going to get upset with me because she is probably the #1 fan of Twilight ever. You know who you are. Look on the bright side, you got mentioned on TGM! You are now in the company of Katy Perry, Micheal Bay, Bill Bellichick, and Twitter. Except the difference is I hate all of them and I love you like a sister. Man, all I had to do was come up with this simple simple simple idea and I could have been on the front page of Digg today:

Have I Mentioned Twitter Is Not My Fav?

Posted by The Gimcracker in Sports, Twitter Sucks on 09. Jul, 2009 | 1 Comment

Chad Johnson or Ocho-Cinco or Blond-Fauxhawk wants to Tweet during NFL games. Apparently he has run out of things to distract him from actually playing good football: changing his name, dogging his teammates, doing dances in the end-zone, sporting a blond mohawk, pouring popcorn into his mouth through his helmet on the sidelines (or was that T.O?), etc. I think he should focus on scoring more than 4 measly touchdowns this season. Chad Johnson my friend you have just been burned by the eternal flame of TGM.

Seriously, People Are Dying?!

Posted by The Gimcracker in Music, Reference Burst Theory, Seriously?! on 09. Jul, 2009 | No Comments

Isn’t it crazy how many people have died recently? I’m talking about famous people, who are worth at least 10 regular people. The recent events remind me of not one but two separate topics I have previously written about in this blog. The first is obviously Reference Burst Theory where celebrities die in threes, because within two days Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Micheal Jackson died (some would say there was a second wave with Billy Mays, Karl Maldon, and Steve McNair). But the second topic is what I would call your attention to now, and that’s the idea of people becoming proverbial saints upon death, which I touched on in my award-winning blog post entitled “Alive One Minute, Saint The Next” written in November 2007. Seriously, Everyone On Earth?! This Micheal Jackson stuff is getting ridiculous. That’s the end of this article so there’s no reason to click the title, sorry.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – BERATED!

Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 26. Jun, 2009 | 11 Comments

Michael Bay is a 15 year old boy trapped in a man’s body (and in the ’90s). He gets older, his movies stay the same age. I don’t know why I keep seeing his movies. I guess it is because when I was 15 I saw The Rock and it rocked (sorry) my 15-year-old little brain that desired nothing but violence/sex/wreckage/fast cars and had no time for character development, real-life situations, or dialogue. At the risk of sounding pretentious, Revenge of the Fallen is for one of two groups: A) 15 year old boys (or anyone with the mental capacity of a 15 year old boy), and B) people who are willing to forgo their dignity to publicly oggle over Megan Fox and Isabel Lucas for 2 hours (actually this is just another way of describing group A).

If you refer to the image I have conveniently included above, you will see a snapshot of exactly what this movie is: Shia is intense and scared, Megan is slightly less intense and scared and her breasts are half exposed, and they are surrounded by wreckage and GM cars. If that is what you want out of life then GO SEE THIS MOVIE RIGHT NOW WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! Also when you’re done seeing Transformers rent the movie Idiocracy and tell me if you “get it” or not. You won’t.

Martin Scorcese’s New Movie Is Called “Shutter Island”

Posted by The Gimcracker in Movies, News on 11. Jun, 2009 | 2 Comments

This is the first I’ve heard of his new movie (trailer after the jump). You probably know all about it and I’m way behind the times and all of that, but I still wanted to bring attention to it. Let’s talk about a few things. First things first, it looks really good. Secondly, it’s a horror film. By Martin Scorcese. That’s like Taco Bell coming out with a hamburger meal (who cares if it’s good, you have to try it!). Third, it’s Leo Decaprio again. I’m a fan of his especially after his performance in The Departed. Speaking of The Departed, that brings me to my final point: he has a Boston accent AGAIN. What’s with him having accents in all his movies nowadays?

People Are Beginning To Agree That Twitter Is Dumb

Posted by The Gimcracker in Television, Twitter Sucks on 11. Jun, 2009 | 1 Comment

I read an interesting article called Orphaned Tweets about the large number of people that sign up for Twitter, post one tweet, and never return. Well good golly I’m not the only one then. Two interesting statements from the article are “10 percent of Twitter users account for 90 percent of the tweets” and “60 percent of users do not return from one month to the next”. Both facts are alarming and here’s why.

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