Posted March 2, 2010 by The Gimcracker in Miscellaniac

How Adjectives Differ By Gender

If some dude was transplanted from 50 years ago to a conversation happening today between two people about a third person, that dude would most likely get the wrong impression about the person being discussed. That’s because words can have different meanings based on such variables as A) what time period the word is used, B) the vocal inflection or body language accompanying the words, and C) who the person in question is. For instance, the word “dude” used to probably mean something more specific than it does now. We call everyone a dude, but back then I think it had something to do with a dude ranch or something. I’m not going to look it up, but you get the idea.

Well, today I want to focus in on one of the variables I mentioned, and that is who the person in question is, or more specifically, what gender the person is. This type of thing is discussed ad nauseum in stand-up comic routines about the differences in men and women. So, I decided to make it unique by expressing my ideas not in front of a live studio audience, but via my blog. That makes it different right? No? Well how about this: mine will be way funnier and more true. Actually I probably can’t pull that off. That leaves me only one optoin: embed a Youtube video at the end of the post. Beat that, Jim Gaffagan!

Here is a list of adjectives used to describe people, followed by what that adjective really means. Notice how they unfortunately differ based on whether or not you are talking about a man or a woman:

How Adjectives Differ By Gender
He says…	She says…
“…she’s a virgin.”	“…he’s a virgin.”
She’s holding out for marriage.	He lacks self-confidence.
“…she’s pretty.”	“…he’s pretty.”
She’s just right.	He’s too focused on his looks.
“…she’s emo.”	“…he’s emo.”
She’s angst-ridden and loves that everyone knows it by her skinny jeans and studded belts.	He’s gay.
“…she’s sensitive.”	“…he’s sensitive.”
She cries all the time. Happy, sad, excited, depressed, indifferent – she’ll cry.	I wish he was funnier.
“…she’s nasty.”	“…he’s nasty.”
She’s a tiger.	He’s ugly.
“…she’s crazy.”	“…he’s crazy.”
If you say something to her the wrong way at the wrong time, she might kill you.	If you dare him to do anything he’ll do it, even if it might kill him.
“…she’s a friend.”	“…he’s a friend.”
I am planning to ask her out at some point.	I will never go out with him.
“…she loves watching football.”	“…he loves watching football.”
She just started a relationship with someone she really likes.	He’s a man.
“…she has a hot ass.”	“…he has a hot ass.”
She has a nice butt.	He has recently been to White Castle.

As promised, here is the bonus video. It’s by DJ Steve Porter, the same guy who did the NFL remix “You Play To Win The Game”. Remember the Pants On The Ground dude from American Idol? Here is the remix:

The Gimcracker

Hi, I'm a person who blogs on the Internet and does not have a Facebook or Twitter account. It's like I accepted all new technology up to and including blogging, but then I rejected anything that came along after that. I am Social Media Amish.