5 Reasons Juicing Will Die Very Soon

I’m going to say it right now: juicing is going to die. It is destined for failure. I’m astonished at how many people I know are completely sold out to the juicing craze. Look, here’s the deal. I haven’t posted in quite a while and I’m really not hitting my quota of offending people, so I thought this would be the perfect topic to remedy that. Get ready to live!


1. It is not natural

History has shown us that the universe works the way it was created, and any time man tries to tamper with it there are repercussions. Of course man-made things are amazing and good, and in fact are part of the natural progression of the universe itself. But when man tries to artificially change a fundamental element such as the way humans eat food, it never works out in the long run. Yes, I am skeptical of a nutritional fad that causes humans to no longer use their teeth. There, I said it.

I’m getting ready to tell you the secret of life right here and I’m not joking at all when I say this. Seriously, get ready, because this is revolutionary if you can wrap your mind around it. Here it is:

Just eat normally.

That’s right, it’s as simple as that. All you have to do is not stuff your face with Volcano Tacos 4 times a week (you have to wait till you get to heaven to do that). All you have to do is not drink 3 regular Cokes every day. All you have to do is not have dessert after every single meal. All you have to do is not go the vending machine when you’re bored. All you have to do is not get seconds of everything, not eat super fast, not eat a meal right before bed. All you have to do is eat everything you want, but just not so much and so often!

I know that’s a lot harder than it sounds, but it’s easier that turning all of your food into juice.


2. It has a very high burn-out factor

There is a segment of the population – I’m going to say about 30% – 40% – that possess the type of personality where they are constantly finding newer and better things and adopting them full force. Like all the sudden it’s all they think about and talk about. These people all have one thing in common: they inevitably burn out on most of the “endeavors” they get into, unfortunately.

Juicing has a high cost and requires a huge level of effort. Some of my juicing friends have told me they spent their entire previous evening juicing. What? Juicing? It seems that juicing requires a tremendous amount of effort, so much so that it is not sustainable by anyone but the most extreme juicing fanatics (which is probably well below 1% of the population).


3. There are infomercials about it

This should be the first red flag. Any time a product is peddled via infomercial it clearly does not have enough merit to stand on its own. If someone has to go to so much effort to sell you something, that means it can’t speak for itself. All I see these days is infomercials on Dyson vacuum clones and juicing machines. I can’t wait until 5 years from now when I can look back and laugh about this. We’ll be onto the next dumb ideas and someone will say “remember Dyson vacuum clones and the Nutribullet?”. And I’ll say “No, no I don’t.” and then I’ll go into the closet and laugh hysterically at the memories that are playing in my brain.


4. All the people I know who are doing it are in terrible shape

This is a harsh one, and I’m sorry to offend anyone. But it’s true. Let’s just take my department at work as a case study. There are about 20 of us, 3 of which I know to have been on extreme juice fasts over the past few weeks (a few of them 10+ days, one of them 21 days straight), and a hand full of others that are jumping on board and are about to start juicing. I really hate to say this, but of these 6 or 7 people, the range of obesity runs from overweight to morbid and the range of physical activity ranges from able to walk up two consecutive flights of stairs to not even able to walk down stairs.

I have yet to meet a normal, healthy person who is a juicer. It’s sort of like how all fat people drink Diet Coke. SOMETHING’S NOT WORKING WITH THE METHOD YOU HAVE CHOSEN.

And here’s the kicker: remember what I said before about just eating a normal amount of all foods? I guarantee you without a shadow of a doubt that none of my juicing coworkers have ever actually tried this method. My appeal to my coworkers: please just try the normal method for 2 months. Just try it! Even if you fail, at least you tried once!


5. It is not scientifically proven to lead to an overall healthier lifestyle

I’m not going to get into the science behind juicing in depth. I will just graze the surface: juicing claims to cut down on the amount of digesting your body has to do by removing a lot of the fiber from your diet. It also claims to help your body retain more nutrition. Now, I don’t know if these things are true or not (they probably are), but even if so, is this really going to lead to an overall healthier lifestyle? Overall. Healthier.

Not “I lost an extreme amount of weight and completely detoxed over 3 weeks and I’ve never felt better!” What I’m looking for is more something like “A couple years ago I used to be 300 pounds and had trouble even with a brisk walking pace, and now I’m 250 pounds and I can walk briskly.”

So if you are not happy with your current health and you are thinking about LIQUIFYING ALL OF YOUR FOOD, I implore you, look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if you really want to make this very extreme lifestyle change (which is fine if so), or are you just jumping on the bandwagon of the “next big thing”?

Before I go, here’s a little exercise to help you answer this question. Think back one year ago today and try to remember what things you were into. Had you for instance taken up biking? Were you on a no carb diet? Were you going to Ramsey-fy your finances and pay off your house in 4 years? Were you super into reading the Bible? Had you decided to learn a new language? The piano? Get another degree? Maybe you took up woodworking and were going to become this great woodworker and make all this useful everyday stuff out of wood? Whatever the case… now do the same for two years ago and five years ago.

Now ask yourself how many of these new activities you are still regularly doing today. This sounds super harsh, I know, but it really has a great moral. And that is, if you can come to understand the type of person that you are (your tendencies, personality traits, etc.) it will work wonders in all areas of your life. It will lead to less disappointment and more productivity, guaranteed. I know I’m just quoting my therapist here – so sue me, she’s right!

The Gimcracker

Hi, I'm a person who blogs on the Internet and does not have a Facebook or Twitter account. It's like I accepted all new technology up to and including blogging, but then I rejected anything that came along after that. I am Social Media Amish.